The Act Itself

The Act Itself [review]

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The Act ItselfI’m a big fan of erotic magazines. As internet porn and e-books increase in accessibility, there’s just something about the old formats that I find alluring. Every time I enter a used bookstore, I’m on the lookout for vintage pin-ups and underground bondage publications. I’m proud of my collection, even if it is still fairly meager.

So when BearManor Media offered me a copy of their new magazine in exchange for an unbiased review, I couldn’t help but give them an enthusiastic yes!

The Act Itself

The Act Itself is an ambitious publication, promising readers three issues a year — each with 150 pages of erotic writing and visual artwork. Unlike the most famous adult magazines, the focus here is on erotica as opposed to explicit pornography.

What Works:

Durability – Upon receiving my copy of the Spring 2014 premiere issue, I was surprised to find that it more closely resembled a large paperback book than a magazine. The cover is thicker, the binding feels more secure, and it’s not nearly as susceptible to wear and tear. In my opinion, this makes the rather high magazine price ($14.95) a bit more acceptable.

Variety – I was also impressed with the variety of content that The Act Itself has to offer. I was expecting mostly erotic literature and photography, but was pleased to find drawings, poetry, and non-fiction essays as well. Some of my favorite submissions were those that challenged the idea of what is “erotic”: the fictional account of a man who wakes up one day and decides to stop wearing clothes (One Day Naked by The Mrs.) and a photo collection of an adventurous & shirtless female, exploring the wilderness (Topless Tourism by Lilah Rose). 

What Needs Work:

Design – Although we like to say “don’t judge a book by its cover,” the truth is that the cover is what draws in potential buyers. The premiere issue of The Act Itself is not something that would have piqued my interest. The layout is awkward, with a lot of empty gradient space on the front and several unattractive end-of-line hyphenations on the back. It screams “self-published,” and if the exterior doesn’t look professional, I can’t help but assume that the contents won’t be either.

There was also a small-but-annoying design flaw with their subscription forms. Instead of using inserts, they printed the form on actual pages of the publication. If you do want to subscribe via mail, you have to either cut out part of a submission on the reverse side or go through the hassle of copying the page.

Print Quality – Despite the high-quality feel of the cover and binding, the interior pages of The Act Itself are thin and matte. The poor quality allows for visible print lines, the occasional distracting bleed-through, and most importantly, a lack of crisp detail. While none of these problems are excessively noticeable with text or line drawings, it made even the most beautiful photography submissions difficult to appreciate.

Typographical Errors & Crediting Sources – While reading through the first issue, I was extremely distracted by errors in the text. Words were mistyped, names were interchanged (a character from one story is referred to as both Laure and Laura), and sentences were at times poorly worded and confusing. A story which is credited to an anonymous writer from 1880 on the title page is also credited to a contemporary contributor on the contents page. Many of the photographs and other artwork that appear to be examples of early visual erotica simply go uncredited altogether.

My Overall Opinion:

Unfortunately, the premiere issue of The Act Itself neither impressed nor aroused me. Even if I could look past the poor design and textual errors, much of the subject matter left me feeling bored. My personal tastes lie in the realm of BDSM and, with the exception of one cuckolding story and a few bondage photographs, most submissions were pretty vanilla. (In fact, the submission criteria states that only some “light” fetish-oriented material will be considered for publication. I’m not exactly sure what topics would be considered too heavy, but taboos such as sibling incest have passed the test.) Several submissions also appeared to be pulled from the middle of larger stories, making them seem random and unfocused.

Call me picky, but I also have an absolute, seething hatred for tacky genital references and poorly chosen metaphors — even in small doses. I do not want a vagina to be called a “castle.” I either want the intelligent, anatomical terms (penis, vagina) or dirty-talk slang that will get my juices flowing (cock, cunt). Some phrases were so absurd to me that I was completely removed from the story. (Ex: “Her lips were full like diapers,” being used to describe an ugly girl in The Pumping of Little Janie’s Cunny by The Mrs.) I recognize, however, that I have some pretty high standards for erotica. Blame the fact that I have a history of working in bookstores, a love of reading that borders on obsession, and a romantic partner that is a freelance editor.

My suggestion for The Act Itself team would be to rethink their goals for this publication. Although this was a surprisingly substantial first issue, quantity is not nearly as important as quality. I feel that reducing the 150-page publication to a smaller size might be beneficial. Ideally, this would create funds for a more professional appearance. Plus, more stringent submission standards would allow the good art to shine rather than be overshadowed by the mediocre and unpolished. The way it is now, a lot of content in The Act Itself seems on-par with the free content on Literotica — without the ability for readers to choose topics that appeal to their sexual tastes.

1star

A big ‘Thank You’ to BearManor Media for giving me the opportunity to review this publication.

If you’re curious about The Act Itself, you can still purchase a Kindle version of the premiere issue on Amazon (at a discounted price of $6.99). The second issue is scheduled to be released sometime this month, although I have not seen any recent updates on their Facebook or blog.

The Future of Sex is Near (even when you are not)

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What comes to mind when you hear the words “teledildonics” or “computer-controlled sex toys?”

As I (regretfully) browsed the comment sections of various videos and online articles this week, I couldn’t help but notice a stigma associated with desperate and lonely computer geeks. It surprises me that in a culture where almost everyone owns a smartphone, is constantly connected to social media platforms, and increasingly communicates via electronic devices, many people still have negative reactions to the merging of technology & sex.

As someone who was in a long-distance relationship for a few years, I can most certainly understand the intimate allure of these toys. And as someone who sees cybersex as a physically and emotionally safe way to express & experience one’s sexuality, I appreciate the technological advancements. I am very excited about these new possibilities, and I hope that after learning about a few of the most impressive products, you will be too!

OhMiBod

OhMiBod has been in the business of technology-focused sex toys since they first launched their music vibrators, which vibrate to the music of a connected mp3 player. They went on to add this unique sound-interaction capability to wireless, wearable, remote-controlled vibrators ideal for club or concert environments. Now, moving into the era of smart phones, they have released blueMotion — wearable vibrators that are controlled with the use of a specially made Bluetooth application. The blueMotion vibrator is primarily made for vulva-owners, and only offers one-way technological communication. However, this can still add a large degree of intimacy for long-distance lovers… or simply a bit of secretive, risqué fun for those who crave a little exhibitionism in their sex life.

Vibease

Vibease is another wearable, Bluetooth app-controlled vibrator made for sending one-way pleasure. With Vibease’s Intimate app, your partner will be in control of the vibrations that you receive from anywhere in the world — near or far. However, Vibease is created with solo masturbation in mind as well. With their Fantasy application, you can use your smartphone to select and listen to erotica while the vibrations increase according to the story. (If you’re a writer, you may be interested to know that you can even create your own fantasies for others to use.) Vibease has not been released yet, but they are taking pre-orders that are scheduled to be shipped by September 2014.

Kiiroo

If you’re wondering where the technologically advanced & connective masturbation sleeves are, Kiiroo is your answer. Although they plan to eventually make this a two-way experience, currently the OPue vibrator is only capable of sending information. The SVir masturbation sleeve, however, can send and receive, as it can be paired with a second SVir. (Two OPues are not currently compatible.) The Kiiroo products work by using special touch rings that convey speed and penetrative depth, translating and sending the information to the contracting rings inside the corresponding SVir/s. (One OPue can be connected to multiple SVir units, which is quite beneficial for online sex work.) The connectivity options with the Kiiroo are pretty impressive. Not only are they creating their own social network, the toys will also be usable with Skype, FaceTime, and simple Bluetooth capability. Pre-orders are currently being accepted for eventual 2014 delivery.

Lovense

Lovense, a company that first introduced a Skype compatible vibrator in 2009, is currently on their 3rd generation of toys — Max & Nora, a completely bidirectional pair. (Not only can Max & Nora connect with each other, but two Max units and two Nora units are also compatible.) The Max masturbation sleeve uses vibrations and air pump technology to create stimulating pressure while the Nora vibrator is of the popular “rabbit” style, using both vibration and rotation. Although the toys interpret your thrusting motions, they do not recreate those motions for your partner. Rather, as one partner’s intensity or speed increases, Lovense increases the unique stimulating activity of the other toy (vibrating, rotating, squeezing). One partner can also use the Lovense Bluetooth application to control the other’s toy without connecting their own. They’ve even released a new “Record & Playback” feature, allowing you to save both the stimulation patterns and voice of your partner for your future masturbation needs.

Fundawear

Honestly, although Fundawear is much more tame than many other emerging products, it’s one that I am most excited about. The brain child of Durex Australia, Fundawear is a line of lingerie/undergarments that transmit the sensation of touch via a smartphone application, using the same technology that sends physical feedback to your fingers when using a touchscreen device. Your partner is able to control where you feel their electronic touch and the intensity. The fact that this is more of an intimate experience than a purely sexual one is what intrigues me the most. Durex appears to still be in the early stages of this product line, but you can get more information at Wearable Experiments.

Have you ever used a sex toy that connected with a partner via computer technology? Would you? I want to hear your experiences and opinions! 

Vulva Costume!

Read My Lips [review]

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Read My LipsIf you ask me, one of the most awesome things about the Midwest is the The Kinsey Institute. Luckily, I live close enough that I am able to attend the occasional lecture, art exhibit, or book sale. On one of my recent visits, I was browsing the staff publications (the bibliophile in me cannot resist) when I discovered Read My Lips: A Complete Guide to the Vagina and Vulva by Debby Herbenick and Vanessa Schick. “What the hell?” I thought, as I broke my self-imposed rule about only buying used books. “Who can ever have too many books about vaginas?” What I didn’t expect was how quickly and easily this book would rank among my favorites!

The Authors

Both Debby Herbenick and Vanessa Schick are prominent scientific researchers at the intersection of public health and sexuality. They share a passion for discovering and dispersing knowledge about female sexual health and pleasure and have both published several very interesting articles in their field. If you’re a nerd like me, you may find these quite enjoyable. However, if reading academic articles is not your idea of a fun night, you’re still in luck. Debby is also very active in the media, writing for Salon and Men’s Health magazine, appearing in a couple of amazing Tedx Talks, and creating websites like My Sex Professor and Make Sex Normal.

The Book

Although it is written by researchers, Read My Lips is for the everyday person — not the academic elite. It’s for the woman curious about her own body, the man who wants to know more about his partner’s genitalia, or the parent who wants to share accurate sexual information with their maturing child. It is for the vagina novice, who was never educated about female sexuality, and the intermediate, armed with the basics but curious about some more nuanced scientific facts. The writing is both accessible and educational. This is something that I consider of upmost importance, because it makes spreading sexual knowledge so much more effective.

Vulva Costume!

If you’ve ever been curious about vaginas and vulvas, Read My Lips is a fantastically varied resource! (For example: Do you know how many vaginal shapes there are? What the coital alignment technique is? Or what horrible thing Lysol, Coca-Cola, and yogurt all have in common?) This book covers the basics of anatomy as well as vulvovaginal health, including a full section on vaginal products such as douches, menstrual products, and even dyes. It offers tips for how to experience sexual pleasure — alone and with a partner. There’s a very brief cultural history of the vagina & vulva, as well as lots of information about female genitalia in contemporary society (changing pubic hairstyles, cosmetic genital surgery, etc). Plus, there are craft ideas…like this giant vulva costume that I’m in love with! You can learn how to make your own here.

The Bottom Line

In our society, we’re not educated about female sexuality except for what is absolutely necessary for reproductive knowledge. We often allow ourselves to be influenced by societal shame and spread silence instead of science. Sexual health practices get glossed over. Pleasure gets ignored. Read My Lips embraces female sexual pleasure and encourages both body-positive and sex-positive thought. For me, it was one step along the way in learning to love my vulva. It is a book that I think everyone should read, whether you have a vagina & vulva or not.

5stars

Dear Hobby Lobby: Birth Control ≠ Abortion

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the Supreme Court’s ruling in favor of Hobby Lobby. Basically, they were granted religious freedom to deny their female employees insurance coverage on their full choice of birth control methods — specifically IUDs and emergency contraception, which they consider abortifacients. A lot of people (not just pro-choicers) are angry about this ruling. Many consider contraceptive accessibility very beneficial to both individuals and society as a whole. Others are angered over Hobby Lobby’s alleged hypocrisy of investing in the very companies that create the products they are against.

While I’m upset for several reasons, I’m most angered by the fact that a ruling like this upholds ignorance on matters of basic sex education and further perpetuates a confusion between birth control and abortion that is already too prevalent in our society. Although they have a belief that these forms of contraceptives are abortifacients, that does not make it true. In fact, there is strong research-based evidence that makes Hobby Lobby’s argument unsound. First, we have to take a look at how emergency contraception and IUDs actually work.

Emergency Contraception

Emergency contraception is commonly referred to as “the morning after pill” as well as the most popular brand name, Plan B. Other brands sold in the U.S. include Ella, Next Choice, and My Way. Many brands of daily oral contraceptives can also be used as emergency contraception when multiples are taken. (There is a fantastic chart here that shows how many pills of what brands can be taken in this way.) Basically, all methods act by releasing a large dose of synthetic progesterone into the body. Note that these pills should not be confused with Mifepristone, which can be used to induce a medication abortion. The “morning after pill” and “abortion pill” are two different medications, working at two very different times — one before pregnancy and one after. Emergency contraception does not have any effect if the woman is already pregnant.

To understand how a contraceptive method can work after intercourse, we first have to recognize that fertilization of an egg does not happen immediately. At the very least, the sperm have to find their way into the fallopian tubes to fertilize the egg (which can take a few hours). If ovulation/the release of an egg hasn’t yet occurred, the sperm may have to try to survive for a few days in waiting (7 days appears to be the longest observed time). This is the key to how emergency contraception works, and explains why it has to be taken quickly — usually within the first 72 hours. If taken before ovulation occurs, the synthetic progesterone signals to the body not to release an egg, thereby preventing fertilization by keeping the sperm and egg separated.

The once-hypothesized idea that emergency contraceptives can provide a second barrier to pregnancy by preventing implantation is not being supported by scientific studies.1 Instead, what we are finding is that most, if not all, emergency contraceptives are not effective if ovulation has already occurred, meaning that they are not working at the level of implantation. The only brand that seems like it might alter the uterine lining (which is not to say that it necessary would inhibit implantation) is Ella, which uses a different form of synthetic progesterone than levonorgestrel.

IUDs

Although all the details explaining how IUDs work have not been determined yet, we are discovering more as their popularity increases, more research is conducted, and they are better refined. (Being comparable to permanent sterilization in their effectiveness, but still remaining a temporary method, they offer a lot of promise for the fields of reproductive health & family planning.) What research shows is that just like all other methods of contraception, an IUD primarily works by preventing fertilization. Depending on the type of IUD (copper or hormonal), this can occur a number of ways. Copper appears to be a very effective spermicide, killing off sperm as they enter into the uterus, thus preventing them from reaching an egg that may be present in the fallopian tubes. Hormonal IUDs (which contain levonorgestrel) may prevent ovulation for some women, but they also thicken the cervical mucus so that sperm cannot quickly move through it.

It has generally been thought that because hormonal IUDs also thin the uterine lining and copper alters the uterine environment, these methods may also prevent implantation of a fertilized egg. This is still debatable, with some arguing that it explains why IUDs are so greatly effective. However, even from the beginning, the use of IUDs has not shown any greater rate of failed implantations than what occurs naturally.2 

Which brings me to my other point: Even if we were to ignore much of the scientific evidence and admit that these methods of contraception may provide a last-ditch effort to prevent pregnancy by blocking implantation of a fertilized egg…

Fertilization and pregnancy are not one and the same.

Pregnancy is a much more complicated process than most people give it credit for, with a lot of room for error. (Although this is very simplified, the basic steps of the process are: ovulation + intercourse + fertilization + implantation = pregnancy.) As far back as 1965, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recognized this and determined that the very definition of conception (or pregnancy) depended on implantation of a fertilized egg into the uterine wall. Fertilization by itself is simply not enough for your body to be considered pregnant. It is only one step along the way.

When contraception is not being used, at least 50% of fertilized eggs never fully implant and are thus naturally destroyed by the woman’s body before anyone is any wiser.3 This usually happens so quickly that it does not even alter a woman’s menstrual cycle, let alone begin to release pregnancy hormones. In general, because contraceptives reduce the amount of fertilized eggs, they actually help reduce the amount of failed implantations that would otherwise occur naturally. (This article does a fantastic job explaining the basic idea, even though the exact numbers reflect the use of oral contraceptives — not EC or IUDs.)

Beliefs are important to all of us, but we can’t forget to continuously reexamine them in the light of new evidence that speaks to the contrary.

1. http://www.sciencefriday.com/blogs/06/15/2012/emergency-contraception-how-it-works-how-it-doesn-t.html?audience=4

2. http://www.popcouncil.org/uploads/pdfs/Sivin.pdf

3. http://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/conception_how_it_works/

Aftercare: The Calm After the Climax

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What is sexual “aftercare?”

Simply put, aftercare is a designated time for calm & comfort that occurs after a sexual activity. While this term is most often used in a BDSM-specific context, some light forms of aftercare are commonly practiced by vanilla couples as well. (Post-coital cuddling, anyone?) Although we often have very specific ideas of who needs aftercare (most likely female submissives), it should be a basic sexual right for anyone who desires it — regardless of gender, sexual orientation, level of kink, or one’s status as Dominant or submissive.

Although aftercare can be comforting during times of distress, it should not necessarily be viewed as reparative. This causes the preceding sex act to be seen as inherently damaging and reinforces the idea that some forms of consensual sex are scary or “wrong.” Rather, aftercare should be viewed as a way to enhance sexual encounters. It may be used to increase intimacy, reinforce positive emotions (such as self-esteem), promote sexual communication and/or express love.

Why is aftercare beneficial?

Sometimes sex (even vanilla sex) can get rather intense. Maybe it’s been a rough week and sex is simply more cathartic than you expected, or maybe you’re just feeling particularly insecure or self-conscious. Most of us have also probably done or said something “in the moment” that caused us to experience shame or doubt after our sexual arousal abated. There are a lot of reasons why sex can sometimes create emotions that are overwhelming — and perhaps not so pleasurable.

BDSM practitioners have these same concerns and more. Endorphins and sexual arousal are a heady mixture, capable of removing a person from reality in what we call subspace or Domspace. This can be a wonderful experience, but the ensuing drop may cause a scene to feel physically, mentally, and/or emotionally exhausting for all individuals involved. Limits may have been pushed, role-played humiliation may require positive affirmations, and yes — minor physical injuries may need to be attended to.

How can you provide aftercare for a partner?

First, talk with them about the concept of aftercare. Are they familiar with it? If they think that it will be a positive addition to your sexual activity, discuss what calms them down or relaxes them. This is different for everyone and can range from extended intimate discussions to simply being left alone.  Without knowing what works for a particular person, aftercare may cause more harm than good.

Make sure that you consider a variety of aftercare options that target both physical and mental/emotional comfort. This will likely depend on the type of sexual play you are engaging in.

Here are a few ideas for various forms of aftercare…

  • Attending to basic physiological needs: Have you been playing intensely or for a long time, warranting food or water? If you have engaged in S&M activities, are there minor injuries that need antiseptic ointment and bandaids? If bondage has been incorporated, this may also be a good time to remove restraints, allowing for a more comfortable body position.
  • Providing comfortable surroundings: This can include temperature control (fan, space heater, blankets, warm socks) or more atmospheric enhancements (scented candles/incense, soft music).
  • Reinforcing intimacy and other positive emotions: This will depend on what type of relationship you have with the person you are currently playing with. A couple that is both involved in S&M and vanilla sexual activity may find intercourse or sexual touching to be very comforting after more intense play. Cuddling and/or offering reassurance are also good ways to let your partner know that you care about them. If you and your sexual/play partner do not have an emotional connection for this type of aftercare, a close friend may be able to provide some third party support.
  • Enhancing sexual communication: Some individuals use aftercare as a time to debrief by asking what was most/least enjoyable for their partner, what they’d like to do differently next time, etc. However, this can be complicated. One or both partners may be so satiated that conversing is momentarily impossible. If a power dynamic is in play, one or both partners may still be in their roles, potentially creating a barrier for open communication. Also, if not careful, post-coital criticism — even if constructive — can sometimes make vulnerabilities worse. (I-statements!) For some, this may work better if it’s used as a delayed “check-in” aftercare, allowing a few days for all partners to gather their thoughts.

Talking about aftercare can sometimes feel like you’re expecting the worst out of a pleasurable situation. In reality, it’s a great way to show your partner that you respect them and their needs. It communicates that you are there for more than just your own physical gratification. In a way, it’s the mature progression of not sneaking out immediately after the deed is done.