Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us Review

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One of my biggest academic interests in the field of human sexuality is that of fetishes, paraphilias, and sexual taboos. The psychology, the societal response, the changing opinions on what is “normal” vs. “perverted” throughout history… I thrive on it. So after hearing Jesse Bering talk about his new book, Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, on an old episode of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast (#129), I immediately put in a request at my local library.

By page 30, when Bering cracked an amazingly punny joke about bestiality, I knew that my instincts were correct (and that he was basically my new favorite person). The way that he tackles such heavy topics in a nonchalant & nonjudgemental way is extremely refreshing, and it was immediately obvious that nothing was off limits. From harmless taboos that are finally beginning to become normalized (homosexuality) to the most hated individuals in our current culture (pedophiles), Bering examines the research in hopes of understanding what’s behind humanity’s range of sexual orientations —  in the broadest sense of the term.

Perv offers up the latest research, a rich history full of case studies, and plenty of uncomfortable questions: How do we define our morality? Are we using the right parameters — or is the very concept preventing us from observing the world as unbiased scholars? Although I can easily get behind Bering’s idea of judging an action based on the presence/absence of harm, I was still forced to challenge my gut reaction again & again in attempts to combat my own “moral dumbfounding.”

A perfect example of this was when I read about Milo & Elijah Peters; two gay adult film performers who not only are biological brothers (twins actually), but also claimed to be in a committed romantic/sexual relationship with each other. With full adult consent and no risk of creating offspring, can we still say that there is “harm?” Or in cases with obvious physical harm, such as that of Armin Meiwes (the cannibal who found a surprisingly willing victim in Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes), I had to ask myself… How much can we really consent to? Where exactly is the limit?

Perv by Jesse Bering will teach you extremely random sexual trivia (like the definition of “melissaphilia”), make you chuckle at the ridiculous beliefs of our ancestors (perfectly evident in St. Thomas Aquinas’ original definition of the word “prodigy”), and cause an intensely uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach while you slowly begin to challenge your own sexual biases. Buy it, borrow it from the library, do whatever you need to do so that your coworkers can give you strange looks as you proudly read this book in the break room.

Tantus Silicone Paddles: Pelt & Wham Bam Review

Leather has long been the material of choice for impact play: paddles, floggers, whips, crops, even padded canes. I get it — the smell, the feel, the routine that develops with proper leather care; it can all be sexually intoxicating. But for those of us who are kink-inclined as well as being concerned about hygienic and/or vegan-friendly toys…there haven’t been many other options.

That is, until Tantus developed their line of silicone paddles. 

tantus paddles drawingSilicone is a fantastic material, and one that will last a lifetime with very minimal care from its owner. It’s body safe, hypoallergenic, & non-porous. It can be cleaned with soap & water/toy cleaner or it can be sanitized with boiling water, a solution of 10% bleach/90% water, or by placing it in the top rack of the dishwasher. With proper sanitizing between uses, it can safely be used with multiple partners. And as an added bonus, it’s surprisingly cool to the touch. This can feel rather glorious during use — soothing the warm & reddened skin that develops from continued spanking.

peltpackageTantus’ line of “silicone sensation toys” includes 5 different paddle designs: the Pelt, Thwack, Wham Bam, Snap Strap, and Plunge (very similar to the Thwack — but with an insertable, dildo-shaped handle). All are made from a velvety soft, matte-finish silicone that attracts hardly any dust, hair, or lint. All designs also include a small round hole near the end of the handle for ease of hanging/storing. Each paddle has a small raised Tantus logo, but packaging is extremely minimal. (If ordered from Tantus, your paddle will likely arrive in a clear plastic sleeve — but if found in a brick & mortar store, a simple hanging tag will probably be the only piece of branding.)

My review will focus on the Pelt & the Wham Bam. However, it you’d like to see all of the Tantus paddles in action, I highly suggest watching Ducky DooLittle’s short video review.

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pelt measurements_phixrThe Tantus Pelt resembles your stereotypical paddle. It is rather short and gently rounded; its impact area being more of an oval than a circle. It’s total length measures in at 11.5″, with approximately 5″ being used for the handle. The width of the paddle ranges from 1.25″ at the neck to approximately 3″ near the rounded tip. (The handle has a maximum width of 1.75″.) The silicone is thicker on the handle (0.5″) than it is on the face (0.25″), allowing it to be more flexible when swung. The Pelt is firm & short enough that it will easily maintain it’s shape when held vertically, not bending in either direction.

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wham bam measurements_phixrThe Wham Bam is a rectangular paddle with a much longer and thinner shape, somewhat resembling a belt. In fact, it’s very similar to the Snap Strap — but not quite as long. The Wham Bam has a total length of 15″, with almost 2/3 of that space being devoted to impact area. The width ranges from 1.25″ at the neck to an even 2″ along the length of the face. The shape of the handle is identical to the Pelt, as is the thickness of the silicone. Even though the silicone is just as thick and firm, the added length makes it much more difficult for the Wham Bam to maintain its shape when held vertically. It easily wants to wobble and droop slightly to one side.

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Of the two, the Pelt is definitely the easiest to control. The shorter length gives it amazingly quick snapping power. With just a flick of the wrist, it lands firmly and evenly in the precise spot that was aimed for. In fact, I’ve found that there’s almost no reason to involve my elbow or my shoulder in swinging the Pelt as I can get all the intensity I need from simply changing the speed of my smaller movements.

whambamflopThe Wham Bam, on the other hand, takes a bit more practice. The long floppy shape can become awkward & anticlimactic with small movements, providing a disappointing experience for the receiver. The aim can also be tricky for inexperienced spankers — myself included. (There have been many apologies offered for accidentally hitting my partner too high or wrapping around his hip.) However, there does appear to be more variety available with this particular paddle. While it’s possible to control the Wham Bam with only quick flicks of the wrist (for less intense hits), it’s most effective when used with more of an exaggerated swing. The focus of the impact can even be changed so that it’s solely on the tip (similar to a whip) or spread out along the entire length (more like a paddle). However, as you can see in the video below, focusing impact on the area near the handle doesn’t give very good results.

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If I could say only one thing about Tantus’ silicone paddles, it would be this: They are not for the faint of heart. The silicone provides a “bite” unlike any other implement I’ve ever experienced as part of my personal adventures in impact play. (This includes leather paddles, leather floggers, rubber floggers, and of course, hands. My experience with canes, whips, & crops is practically nonexistent.)

In fact, I actually bruised my leg while trying to get a decent video for this review. Experiencing growing amounts of pain & still unable to capture that lovely “pop!”, I eventually gave up and asked my wonderful partner to help me out.

Putting the final touches on my review for the @tantusinc Pelt & Wham Bam silicone paddles!

A video posted by Mandi (@erocentric) on


The Pelt, with its wider surface area, is ever-so-slightly less intense than the Wham Bam — but it still feels sharp & stingy (especially when compared to the “thuddyness” of stiffer leather paddles). My partner and I can best describe it as an amplified version of hand-spanking; more intense impact with less exertion on the part of the spanker. The Pelt is capable of a range of sensations, from surprisingly light warm-up taps to a rather intimidatingly loud snap. No matter the intensity, I have found the Pelt to be fairly manageable…at least for a while.

The Wham Bam, on the other hand, can very easily surpass my pain threshold. With its added length, it falls much heavier and the initial sting lasts longer — especially if the impact is focused in the tip. It’s almost impossible to get a nice, gentle warm-up; more often than not, the paddle either flops against the skin with no real impact at all or it jumps straight to making my body twitch in fear & my muscles tighten from the pain. My measly limits prevent my partner from getting in a good swing with the Wham Bam…and although he can certainly take more than I can, I have still occasionally put too much power behind my hits. It’s definitely not a “let loose” kind of toy for either of us. It provides the kind of impact that will jolt us out of our trance — not lull us into a sense of subspace.

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This may not sound very beginner-friendly, but my best advice in the case of Tantus’ silicone paddles is to know what you like beforehand. The intensity of these paddles (especially the Wham Bam) is probably not going to be the right fit for a first time spankee — in fact, it could very well be terrifying. Take some time to get to know what types of sensation you enjoy and where your limits are. (How much warm-up do you need? How hard do you like to be spanked? Do you prefer “thud” or “sting”? How long can you endure? etc.) And for the person doing the spanking, it’ll probably be much easier to start out with tools that offer tighter control and provide a wider range of sensation.

With that being said, if you know that you enjoy stingy & rather intense impact play, the Tantus paddles seriously cannot be beat. They are of absolutely impeccable quality, completely hygienic, and they pack a major wallop. Plus, at approximately $50, they are some of the most affordable impact toys on the market.

4stars

Pros: body-safe & nonporous silicone, shareable, 5 designs offer a range of possibilities, provides very powerful impact with minimal exertion, high-quality yet affordable

Cons: might be too intense or stingy for some individuals, longer paddles (like the Wham Bam) can be a little difficult to control


Special thanks to my affiliate, Tantus, for providing me with the Pelt in exchange for an honest & unbiased review. (I had already purchased the Wham Bam some time ago.) If you would like to add any of Tantus’ silicone paddles to your own collection, please consider doing so here

Tantus Gary Review

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The Tantus Gary is a beautiful cock; highly realistic in both form & feel. Measuring in at 8.25″ long (approximately 7″ insertable) with a 1.5″ diameter, it’s a lengthy but otherwise fairly average-sized toy. However, what truly sets the Gary apart is the attention to detail: the veins on the shaft, the wrinkles near the head that converge at the frenulum, the distinct (but not over-emphasized) coronal ridge, even the small indentation of the meatus.www.GIFCreator.me_ourPoj

Gary is made from Tantus‘ 100% Ultra-Premium body-safe silicone. But unlike many of their stiffer products (such as the Vamp or G-Spot Vibrator), this dildo is part of their dual density O2 line. This means that it has a firm inner core, surrounded by a squishy outer layer that also completely comprises the head. The dual density material makes the entire toy much more flexible. (I’m even able to bend it end-to-end.) It also feels impressively life-like, providing just a bit of give when you wrap your hand around the shaft & squeeze. All you need to do is imagine a real, rock hard penis covered in velvety soft skin. Yum.

DSC03931_phixrTo top it off, the silicone has a matte finish with an unbelievable amount of detail. The tiny wrinkles, lines, & pores all come together to create a hint of texture that is surprisingly similar to real skin. (It also creates a ton of drag, so have your lube ready!) The Gary has a firm 2.5″ base, making it both harness compatible & anal-safe, and it’s available in 3 skin-tones: cream, cocoa (pictured here), and mocha. Indeed, if dildos that resemble disembodied penises squick you out, it’s definitely best to avoid this one — because…wow.

The Gary arrives in typical Tantus packaging of printed cardboard and clear plastic. It is both tasteful & gender neutral, albeit not very discreet or long-lasting. 

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Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 84749 PM_phixrI wish I could say that the Tantus Gary pleased my vagina as much as it did my aesthetics… but unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Mostly, it’s the shape that fails to wow me — despite how beautiful I think it is. If I’m playing with an insertable toy, there’s usually one primary goal in my mind: G-spot stimulation (even if it’s just a small amount). In this regard, the Gary does absolutely nothing for me. The shaft is too straight, narrow, & flexible to apply any pressure and the coronal ridge is not pronounced enough to rub against the front wall of my vagina in that special way.

Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 90434 PM_phixrWithout a curve, you’d think that I could at least thrust the Gary with wild abandon…especially since it’s extra long (easier to hold for those with difficulty reaching) and soft (doesn’t bash against the cervix). But unfortunately, I run into another problem. The matte, skin-like texture makes this dildo a total lube hog. As someone who barely lubricates naturally, I have to stay on top of this problem constantly; reapplying large quantities of lube and never allowing myself to become fully immersed in my own pleasure. I have a nagging reminder in the back of my mind that the Gary will dry out faster with excessive thrusting & without lubrication, the myriad of beautiful details simply feel abrasive to my vagina.

And so, without G-spot pressure or the ability to thrust, I’m left with pretty much just allowing my muscles to squeeze around the Gary. This feels surprisingly nice & realistic, but it’s not exactly “pleasure inducing.” More of an added bonus; something extra when I’m focusing on clitoral orgasms.

Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 84320 PM_phixrA special note about cleaning: The hyper-realistic texture of this toy does make cleaning slightly more time-consuming. On the product page, Tantus even states that “boiling or dishwasher use is highly recommended to ensure the tiny surface texture is completely cleaned, no matter what kind of lube is used.” I’ve also found that an old, very soft-bristled toothbrush can be helpful for getting into all those tiny crevices.

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Screen Shot 2015-09-28 at 85813 PM_phixrIt’s no secret that I love Tantus more than any other sex toy manufacturer. And although this toy wasn’t right for me, I certainly believe that it could be right for someone else. The quality is impeccable, the details are amazing, and the dual density O2 material is a joy to squish (both with my hands & my vagina). If you’re looking for a hyper-realistic straight dildo with average girth, extra length, and a bit of texture…the Gary is a beautiful choice.3star

Pros: body-safe silicone, beautiful & realistic detail, soft & flexible dual density design, extra length for those with difficulty reaching, firm base

Cons: straight shaft can be boring, matte silicone creates a lot of drag, texture can feel abrasive, requires more intense cleaning


Special thanks to my affiliate, Tantus, for providing me with this item in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. If you’d like to purchase the Gary, please consider doing so here

Vamp Lola Review

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vamp1The Vamp Lola is a semi-realistically shaped dildo with a slight upward curve and a pronounced head/coronal ridge (complete with a design that hints at a urethral opening). However, that’s where the realism ends; the surface is completely smooth, without a single vein or wrinkle — and the color options are far more creative than your basic skin tones, including beautiful marbling.

Overall, the dildo measures 6.5″ in length (5.5″ of which is insertable) and has a 1.5″ diameter at its widest point. It arrives in a simple, clear plastic tube stickered with basic information about Vamp Silicone products. Unfortunately, my packaging tube had an internal height that was slightly smaller than the actual dildo inside, cramping my Lola and prevented the tube from completely closing.

Vamp’s “regular skin” is a very firm silicone (similar to many Tantus products) with almost no give when you try to squish it between your fingers, and more of a subtle ability to flex rather than bend. It has what I would call a “semi-shiny” finish that attracts a lot of hair & can create a fair amount of drag if not lubricated properly — but can also become incredibly slippery due to its lack of texture. It’s 100% body-safe (non-porous & phthalate free) with a large round base, making it both harness-compatible and safe for anal play. It also has a hole for the addition of a vibrating bullet.

Because Vamp Silicone is a small company who hand-crafts all of their products, colors will vary — and there are some slight imperfections. For example, the edge of my base is very crude & uneven, as is the bullet cavity. There’s also some rough spots where the shaft meets the base and a few small imperfections in the shaft that feel like a couple stands of hair made their way into the mold. (Bex was assured that these were only scratches.) None of these were large enough/in areas that were noticeable during use, but I was a little surprised to find so many issues with a $75-95 dildo; maybe Tantus has spoiled me.

vamp imperfections_phixrI received the Lola from my lovely affiliate company, SheVibe, who currently only offers a soft skin version in red & white marble. (For review purposes, I received the firmer “regular skin” version.) However, Vamp is known for their unique color combinations and offers an endless array of choices through other retailers and their own website.

Please be aware that several individuals have experienced very prolonged (and well-documented) issues when dealing directly with Vamp Silicone. To be safe, I’d recommend ordering through a third party retailer. 

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vamppackSurprisingly enough, I love the Vamp Lola! When it first arrived, I scoffed at the slight curve in the shaft. “There’s no way that’ll do anything for my G-spot,” I thought. “But hey, at least it’s pretty.” Oh… the naivety.

This dildo is basically a G-spot ninja. Combining the barely curved shaft with the pronounced coronal ridge makes it perfect for nudging against my G-spot with every stroke (while also not getting hooked behind my pubic bone)— and the firmness of the “regular skin” silicone means that its shape/angle remains consistent throughout use. Of course it’s not as intense as my beloved Jopen Comet II, but that’s okay; sometimes I don’t want G-spot stimulation that’s so powerful I want to cry (happy tears) when I’m done masturbating. Sometimes I want a more gentle build-up that I can stretch out for longer amounts of time without overwhelming my senses.

Every session that I’ve had with the Vamp Lola has turned into a marathon, usually resulting in at least 5 orgasms. Part of that is because squirting feels so attainable. I just keep trying… again and again and again.

vamp2I never thought that I’d say this, but the fact that the Lola has a simplified phallic shape (and not a large, bulbous head) is actually proving to be beneficial to me — at least in an experimental way. Because it slides easily through my vaginal opening with no discomfort, I’m able to quickly pull the toy out as I begin orgasming, bearing down with my muscles in an attempt to ejaculate. I don’t think it’s happened yet (one orgasm was a tiny bit wetter than usual), but it’s still fun to play around and try new techniques.

And speaking of the head…I finally understand how that “popping” sensation can feel pleasurable! The coronal ridge is just prominent enough that it barely stretches my vaginal opening upon removal/insertion, literally sending shivers through my body. It allows me to choose between deep, short strokes (that put more focus on the G-spot) and slow, shallow strokes (that stimulate the vaginal entrance). I seriously can’t lose.

vampbulletThe bullet cavity is a nice touch, as the silicone transfers vibrations from my We-Vibe Tango surprisingly well. However, the cavity is rather shallow (and crooked), allowing plenty of the Tango to stick out from the base of the dildo. (Easy for removal, but definitely would not work when worn as a strap-on.) Personally, I enjoy the toy equally as much with or without vibrations — but I do appreciate the option.

My only complaint is that this toy seems to want to rotate an awful lot once inserted. I’m not sure what it is about this specific dildo and its relationship with my anatomy, but I find myself having to realign the curve with my G-spot more often than I’m used to. If I don’t hold onto the base for even a moment, the dildo will turn inside of me and the curve will start facing one of my legs… or eventually make its way toward my back. It’s not uncomfortable when this happens, but it does remove a giant aspect of what I find most pleasurable about this toy (G-spot stimulation).

bottom line textI was genuinely surprised by how much I liked this toy. Do I still think that the craftsmanship could be more refined for the cost? Definitely. Am I still hesitant to suggest ordering directly from the manufacturer? Yep. But if you’re looking for gentle G-spot stimulation from a relatively average-sized dildo (and enjoy beautifully marbled aesthetics)…the Vamp Lola is a fantastic choice.

vamp34starsPros: body-safe silicone, beautiful marbling, bullet cavity for added vibration, thick & sturdy base, average size (should be comfortable for many individuals), slight curve & pronounced head gently targets G-spot, prominent coronal ridge provides slight “popping” sensation without being large enough to cause discomfort

Cons: rough craftsmanship in spots, may not be curved/firm enough to provide adequate G-spot stimulation for some individuals, wants to spin a lot during use if not held tightly, manufacturer has had multiple customer complaints


Special thanks to my affiliate, SheVibe, for providing me with this item in exchange for my honest, unbiased review. If you would like to purchase the “soft skin” version of the Vamp Lola, please consider doing so here

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Good Clean Love – Caribbean Rose Love Oil Review

It’s no secret that I love massages. In fact, one of the ways that my partner first won me over was by enthusiastically offering a complete, whole-body lotion massage after my shower one day. Five years later, it still plays a large role in our foreplay — and although our favorite products are usually massage candles (for the added wax play element), we also enjoy experimenting with various oils, bars, and creams.

description textgcl oil frontIn addition to their organic Almost Naked lubricant and their health-conscious Bio-Match products, Good Clean Love also offers a line of “Love Oils.” There are 3 scents to choose from: Caribbean Rose (which I will be reviewing here), Indian Spice, & Origins (a blend of black pepper, sage, & sandalwood). Each oil is 100% vegan and free of all petrochemicals, parabens, & glycerin. Ingredients are limited, but include prunus armeniaca (apricot) kernel oil, organic simmondsia chinensis (jojoba) seed oil, tocopherol, and various essential oils.

There are 2 packaging options for each scent: a 4 oz. frosted glass bottle with a metal screw-on top and a 1/3 oz. travel-friendly cylinder with a rollerball. You can even purchase all 3 scents in these smaller sizes as a gift set.

It’s important to note that because this is a product made from oil, it is NOT safe for contact with any latex contraception methods, such as condoms. (Oil causes latex to degrade and weaken, increasing the risk of breakage.) Before using latex barriers, please make sure to wash your hands, genitals, and any other body parts that may encounter both products. 

experience textWe’ve encountered some pretty horrible massage oils over the years; watery liquids that dry out in a mere matter of minutes and leave your skin feeling sticky for hours. A quality massage oil should make it easier for your hands to glide over your partner’s body, removing any of the natural drag of skin-on-skin contact. It should also make you feel relaxed and sexy — not give you the sudden, overwhelming urge to jump in the shower.

gcl oil backLet me be the first to say that Good Clean Love has done an admirable job with the quality and consistency of their Love Oil. One application easily gives you 5-10 minutes of massage time, slowly absorbing into the skin so that there’s no evidence of oil residue once you’re done. Honestly, it’s the least sticky/tacky massage oil that we’ve ever tried. My skin even feels softer and more moisturized afterwards.

While my partner & I easily agree on how great the oil quality is, we do have mixed emotions on the packaging. It’s beautiful (there’s no denying that), but there is a plastic flow regulator that has caused some disagreement. My partner argues that this makes it needlessly difficult to pour an adequate amount into your hands or onto your partner’s body. I’m rather clumsy, so my opinion is that it actually makes application easier by preventing spills and excessive pouring. But he’s right, you do have to shake the bottle around a bit.

Personally, my only complaint is one that’s totally subjective — and that’s the smell. In fact, it’s such a turn-off that I don’t think I will continue to use this particular oil, even though I love how it feels.

When I first requested Caribbean Rose, it was because I thought it sounded like the most “gentle” option. My partner and I tend to go for warm & subdued scents: vanilla and buttery, fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies, for example. For me, Caribbean Rose is just way too strong… and not very appealing either. My partner and I have tried to come up with accurate ways to describe the scent and we’ve settled on things like “your hippie grandma’s perfume” and “an entire store of potpourri.” Its supposed aphrodisiac properties are completely lost on me because I’m too busy worrying that I’ll still smell like this the next day at work.

bottom line textNormally, my advice would be to order the travel-sized option in order to test it out and decide if the smell is right for you. But the thrifty shopper in me simply can’t justify that; a single 1/3 oz. rollerball is a whopping $10 — when you can purchase the full 4 oz bottle for only $20. (Although my partner notes that the rollerball might make application easier.)

You can always try finding a brick & mortar store that carries Good Clean Love and has testers on the sales floor. (Unfortunately, I know that this is impossible for many of you. I too live in an area without any quality sex shops.) Or you can simply risk it. If you’re not very sensitive to smells, it may not bother you at all. But if you’re like me, you’ll find yourself wishing that you could enjoy this wonderful, high-quality massage oil…while trying to find a friend to pawn it off on.

2star

Pros: long-lasting, no sticky/tacky residue, limited ingredients, may make skin feel moisturized, beautiful packaging

Cons: extremely strong smell that may bother some individuals, flow regulator can make pouring difficult


Special thanks to Good Clean Love for providing me with this product in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. 

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If you’d like to purchase a Love Oil of your own, please consider ordering from my affiliate, SheVibe