Secretary [review]

Secretary (2002), inspired by a short story by Mary Gaitskill, stars Maggie Gyllenhaal as Lee Holloway and James Spader as Mr. E. Edward Grey. The story follows Lee as she is released from a psychiatric institution and attempts to gain control over her life. In doing so, she takes a job as a lawyer’s secretary. Through Grey’s intense need for control & perfection within the office, a Dominant/submissive power dynamic forms between him and Lee. This dynamic eventually turns sexual, and the two of them are forced to confront questions of love, lust, and intimate relationships in general.

Being one of the few mainstream movies to depict a BDSM relationship, Secretary has gained a lot of attention. In the brief 12 years since its release, it has become a sort of modern classic for many in the community. In fact, I vividly remember the first time that I watched Secretary: sneaking off to my bedroom after my roommates had gone to bed, playing it on my laptop through a pair of earphones. Not only was it thrilling and sexually taboo, but for the first time, I was able to see an important part of my sexuality reflected on screen in a validating way.

Why Secretary is one of my favorite films…

I’ll admit, a small reason why I love Secretary so much is because James Spader has the most amazingly authoritative voice in the world. But the real reason is because BDSM is portrayed as a legitimate option in the realm of human sexuality — an acceptable, shame-free way for two people to find peace within themselves and an intense connection as a couple. Through their D/s romance, the characters grow into better individuals.

Lee finds comfort & cathartic release from BDSM, allowing her to abandon her old, self-destructive habits. She gains confidence in her appearance and her abilities. Through submission she actually learns to speak up for herself and become her own person. Grey also learns to accept himself and his sexual desires. At first, he is almost plagued by his need to be dominant. He battles against it, believing it to be abnormal, unrealistic, or both. But Lee encourages that part of him, allowing him to lower the walls that distanced him from romantic/sexual partners in the past.

The movie also does a wonderful job of not being overtly sexual. There is a concentration on the emotional and mental aspects of a D/s power dynamic with a focus on control/devotion and protection/security. When there are bits of nudity, they are not pornographic; they are intimate.

Why Secretary is not perfect…

Unfortunately, sexual communication is pretty much nonexistent between Grey and Lee for the majority of the film, creating far too many similarities with sexual harassment and assault. There are no discussions about consent or boundaries. They don’t even discuss their intentions, expectations, or desires! Instead, Lee relies on silently manipulating Grey into dominant action, while Grey irresponsibly engages in those actions without getting explicit consent. Though nobody gets physically injured because of this, it does lead to some very uncomfortable sexual activity that can be difficult to watch.

Secretary is also guilty of the very misrepresentations that I mentioned in Popular BDSM Erotica: Damaged & Diluted. My inspiration behind that post, Margot D. Weiss’ article “Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in the U.S. Popular Media” was actually written specifically about this film. In her article, Weiss points out that BDSM is “pathologized” because submissive & masochistic Lee battles a history of self-injury. (Not that there is anything shameful about mental illness, only that it is unrelated to BDSM.) Grey and Lee’s BDSM relationship is also “normalized” when, at the end, they settle into marriage. Although I will argue that they do appear to continue their kinky sex play.

TL;DR

If you haven’t yet seen Secretary, I strongly recommend it. Keep in mind that communication should be part of every relationship, and that Hollywood’s misconceptions of BDSM are still something that needs changing. However, the fact that a D/s dynamic is displayed as a legitimate love style feels like a step in the right direction. In my opinion, Secretary is just too monumental to ignore for those interested in the BDSM lifestyle.

5stars


1. Margot D. Weiss. 2006. “Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Media.” Journal of Homosexuality 50(2/3): 103-130.

You can also find an electronic copy of the article here.

The Sessions [review]

My boss recently asked if I’d seen The Sessions. He apologized almost immediately, stating that perhaps talking about it was inappropriate…but he thought it might connect with my “academic interests”. Color me intrigued.

The Sessions (2012), based on journalist and poet Mark O’Brien’s quest to experience physical intimacy, stars John Hawkes (O’Brien), Helen Hunt (sex surrogate Cheryl Cohen-Greene), and William H. Macy.

O’Brien, who contracted polio at age 6, could experience the sensation of touch but could not move from the neck down. He spent much of his life inside an iron lung because his condition made breathing difficult. As a virgin in his mid-thirties, he was inspired to seek out a sex surrogate after interviewing other individuals with disabilities about their sex lives.

What is a “sex surrogate?”

A sex surrogate is an individual who may become physically involved with clients to help them work through difficulties surrounding sexual activities. A sex surrogate is not a prostitute nor a sex therapist. 

Hunt’s character mentions that, unlike a prostitute, sex surrogates do not want your continued business. They concentrate on overcoming a specific sexual problem — emotional (body image issues) or physical (premature ejaculation). Their methods can include direct sexual contact, but not necessarily. Their goal is to help clients acquire the skills to establish healthy sexual relationships, not provide sexual pleasure. Trained in areas such as sex education & sexology, sex surrogates are legally certified and only meet clients through therapists.

Sex therapists, much like other therapists, are licensed professionals who tackle emotional difficulties through discussion — never sexual contact — but who are educated on the specifics of human sexuality. 

Review

The Sessions brings disability & sex out into the open. In his article “On Seeing a Sex Surrogate1,” O’Brien writes

Why do rehabilitation hospitals teach disabled people how to sew wallets and cook from a wheelchair but not deal with a person’s damaged self-image? Why don’t these hospitals teach disabled people how to love and be loved through sex, or how to love our unusual bodies?

23 years later, reading reviews that call this movie “disgusting,” I realized that our society is much more at ease imagining people with disabilities as asexual. But O’Brien makes it obvious that he is not excluded from the natural desires for (or the right to experience) romance, love, and sexual intimacy.

The Sessions is also refreshingly sex positive. Part of what O’Brien has to overcome is a negative, shameful view of sexuality from his upbringing. The encouragement he receives from those close to him is very inspiring. His friends & assistants are comfortable engaging in frank discussions about sex, and even his priest offers support instead of disapproval. Everyone involved treats sex as natural & enjoyable.

Unfortunately, it was because I was so impressed with these progressive themes that I was surprised by some details that were not exactly sex literate. First of all, protection is never mentioned. No condoms on the nightstand, no diaphragm in her purse, not even a discussion between the characters.

Secondly, some unrealistic expectations concerning intercourse were perpetuated. Without mentioning that it rarely happens, one of the sessions focused on simultaneous orgasm. Cohen-Greene is also portrayed as reaching orgasm through intercourse alone, which only 1/4 of women regularly experience. (If she was providing clitoral stimulation, it was largely ignored.) Sexual ideals like these cause many people (especially women) to worry that their bodies or sex lives are abnormal. For a movie that embraced sexual differences, this felt out of place.

Lastly, I didn’t know how to interpret the strange love triangle between O’Brien, Cohen-Greene, and her husband. The original article does not mention this, and I worry that it insinuates that sex surrogates cannot have satisfying marriages because they have outside sex partners. I liked that she got to know O’Brien as a person, but does attachment to a client cheapen the profession?

TL;DR?

Try to look past the occasional lack of sexual realism and relish the sex positivity that is so rarely expressed in the media. The Sessions made me laugh, warmed my heart, and opened my eyes even more to a very important struggle that many people with disabilities must face, but no one ever talks about. I highly recommend it to everyone.

4stars


1. O’Brien, Mark. (1990). On seeing a sex surrogate. The Sun, issue 174. Reprinted online at: http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/174/on_seeing_a_sex_surrogate