Jopen Key Aries Review

Jopen Key Aries - boxThe first time that I saw the Jopen Key Aries was at a blowjob workshop that my partner & I attended while touring the sex shops of NYC. It sparked my interest. An unobtrusive, silicone finger vibe certainly has the potential to make oral sex more exciting. However, it was also easily forgettable. I returned home without a single fleeting thought of this little toy… until Bondage Bunnies contacted me about writing a review.

It’s important for me to be honest & admit that I was hesitant. At the time, their selection of body-safe products was severely limited. In fact, Jopen was one of the only trusted brands available through their site. (Their selection has since grown to include a few fabulous brands such as Doxy & Tantus.) Normally, the lack of body-safe toys warrants an instant “nope” from me. But my personal curiosity about the Aries overpowered my mixed feelings on this one.

Let me be clear: My issues with Bondage Bunnies are not personal. They have been both polite & patient while my health problems have delayed this review. However, as a sex educator who is dedicated to body-safe materials, I have a bit of an ethical dilemma about working with companies that offer toxic toys to their customers.

Jopen Key AriesShould we refuse to support these companies until they take our sexual health seriously? Or should we speak with our money, paying for the products that we want to see more of? 

Everyone has different ideas about what it means to be a responsible consumer, and I can’t make that decision for you. What I can do, as a blogger, is speak up. I can tell my readers to be careful.

There are a lot of products described on Bondage Bunnies’ website as “silicone” which I would bet my vagina are actually jelly. There are toys in their “anal beads” section that contain string (a bacterial nightmare). Some are actually mislabeled kegel balls that can get stuck inside of the body if they are mistakingly used in the butt. And of course, there are anal plugs with insufficient bases or retrieval cords that I would not trust for a second.

Jopen Key Aries - batteryIf you know that you’re buying a product created by a trusted & ethical manufacturer, and you find a great deal at Bondage Bunnies…that’s fantastic! But if you’re not sure, please do outside research. Read reviews from sex bloggers. See what people are saying about the product & the company who makes it. Take a moment to see if other (trusted) retailers stock it. You deserve sex toys that will not cause you harm. 

With that being said, I can finally begin my review for the Jopen Key Aries!

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The Aries is your typical finger-style vibrator: a toy that is worn on the hand to provide effortless stimulation during sex play, usually with a partner. It’s small (slightly less than 2.5″ long, 1.75″ tall, and 1″ thick), waterproof, and uses one AAA battery. Jopen offers it in 3 different colors (pink, purple, or turquoise) — but Bondage Bunnies only stocks pink.

Jopen Key Aries - full packageThe Jopen Key Aries is bean-shaped with a “fin” on one side. It can be held between the fingers so that it rests on the inside or the outside of the hand. It is made of two components: a hard ABS plastic vibrator with a twist-open cap and a thin silicone sleeve. The sleeve is removable, which can make cleaning easier… but it’s also extremely snug and difficult to reassemble. The silicone itself has a matte finish and is ribbed for extra sensation.

This vibrator is your basic one-button model. A quick press of the silver “Key” button turns the toy on. Repeated presses allow you to cycle endlessly through the 5 different settings of steady vibrations, pulses, and waves. Pressing & holding the button for about 2 seconds turns the toy off. When turned back on, it will start from the beginning; it will not remember the last setting.

The small cardboard packaging is tastefully designed with images of the toy and basic product information. Inside the box, you’ll find a short instructional sheet (with information on the one-year warranty) and a travel/storage pouch.

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I wanted to like the Jopen Key Aries. …I really did.

Jopen Key AriesJopen generally impresses me. The Key Comet II is one of the best things that has ever touched my G-spot & the Lust L1 is one of the most underrated & unique external vibes I own. With my recent issues surrounding vaginal pain, I had hoped that this little vibe would be a good first step to bringing sexy back.

If only it had power!

At first, I thought that perhaps the problem was my general lack of libido & arousal. (After all, crippling depression + the impending threat of painful orgasms does NOT make for enthusiastic masturbation.) But then I managed to dig through my vibrators, sifting through the ones that have languished and lost their charge over the last several months, and — SURPRISE! Even the PicoBong Kiki 2 (for which I described masturbating as “an absurd test of endurance”) at least makes my clitoris stand up and demand more.

With the Jopen Key Aries, my clit couldn’t care less what happens next. On a good day, the vibrations feel like I am lightly brushing my fingertips over my genitalia after a good, clean shave. There’s sensitivity, but not pleasure. When I apply the toy directly to my clit, the buzzy vibrations feel good for about 30 seconds before I am completely numb. And if there’s any thrusting going on (with my partner or a sex toy), you might as well be holding a potato to my crotch.

Jopen Key Aries - in hand

My penis-having partner, on the other hand, quite likes this toy. He is much more sensitive to vibrations than I am. (He can even feel them traveling through my fingertips!) And while the Aries still isn’t powerful enough to bring him to orgasm by itself, it certainly increases his pleasure. We’ve found that it makes for a great addition to blowjobs and handjobs, particularly when held against the frenulum, testicles, or perineum. It may not be versatile enough for both of us, but I am happy that it works for him.

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Jopen Key Aries - in boxMaybe I wasn’t being very realistic, but I wanted more out of the $20 Jopen Key Aries. Sure, it’s small and convenient. It doesn’t get in the way during sex. And it only kind of makes my hand go numb from its buzzy vibrations. But there is literally no possible way for me to orgasm with this thing. I had expected a motor that was reminiscent of Jopen’s other toys. And although they do make a rechargeable finger vibe (the Key Pyxis), I can’t say if it’s any better.

With so many high quality external vibes on the market, I feel confident in telling you to look elsewhere. Invest a little bit more money into the delightfully rumbly We-Vibe Tango or Touch. They may be slightly larger, but I actually think that makes them even more comfortable to hold. And they certainly have a better range of vibrations!

2star

Pros: body-safe silicone & ABS plastic, small & convenient design for partnered sex play, waterproof, affordable

Cons: very weak & buzzy vibrations, not rechargeable (takes one AAA battery), may be difficult or uncomfortable to hold for some individuals, vibrations may make fingers numb and/or tingly


Special thanks to Bondage Bunnies for sending me this product free in exchange for my honest & unbiased review. 

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If you would like to purchase the Jopen Key Aries, you can do so here

PicoBong Kiki 2 Review

PicoBong recently released a 2nd, new & improved line of 5 previous designs: the Kiki (mini external vibe), Ipo (finger vibe), Tano (butt plug vibe), Honi (bullet vibe w/ retrieval cord), and Mahana (U-shaped dual stimulation vibe). These revamped vibrators may look exactly the same as before, but they boast one major difference: twice the power!

description textPicoBong is the more affordable/less luxurious sister brand of Lelo. They value body-safety while cutting expenses in other areas: rechargeability, fancy packaging — and laughably pointless extravagance. They have separated themselves from Lelo’s golden dildos, bro-marketed cock rings, and satin penis suits. (Seriously. It’s like they’re getting sex toy ideas from The Onion over there.) Instead, PicoBong’s designs are neon-colored, frill-free, and almost always under $100. If Lelo products were made for rich business executive Barbie, PicoBong is definitely targeting her younger beach-partying sister, Skipper.

PicoBong Kiki - sizeWhen PicoBong contacted me about reviewing one of their new “Power Up” products, I was intrigued. Although I didn’t have any previous experience with their old line, the idea that they had doubled their power — from a single AAA battery — appealed to me. Powerful vibrations are my jam and if I could recommend a halfway decent $40 vibe, I’d be a happy blogger.

The Kiki 2 is a bullet-sized (4″ long, 1″ wide) vibrator with a diagonal flattened tip, created for external stimulation. It is made from hard ABS plastic and is almost completely covered in a thin layer of velvety soft matte silicone. The bottom of the toy (the only portion NOT covered in silicone) twists off to accommodate 1 AAA battery — which PicoBong claims will last 2 hours. It is available in 3 colors (hot pink, turquoise, and black) and is waterproof up to 1 meter. The noise level is advertised as “near silent,” but I’d still suggest a closed door & maybe some light music/TV to drown out the sound if you need to be discreet.

The Kiki 2 has extremely simple 2-button controls: the + button turns the toy on and increases vibration intensity, while the – button decreases intensity and eventually turns the toy off. (Both buttons are “hidden” within the large PicoBong logo embossed on one side.) Honestly, I have no idea how many vibration settings it has. Some online reports for the original Kiki say 18, but I certainly can’t distinguish between that many. I do know that once you have reached maximum intensity, you can then press & hold the + button to cycle through the 12 vibration patterns. Unfortunately, I don’t think that there is a way to decrease the intensity while using the patterns; the – button simply returns you to a constant steady vibration.

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Included with the Kiki 2 is a small instruction manual & a 1-year warranty. It comes packaged within a very minimal cardboard box with a plastic front and a ridiculous fake history of the toy written on the back.

“Found inside a meteorite in Siberia in 1908, the original Kiki was long kept a state-secret due to the uncontrollable pleasure it would bring to anyone who approached it. It was eventually smuggled out and resurfaced in San Francisco 1967, accidentally beginning the sexual revolution and the Summer of Love.”

I couldn’t make this shit up.

experience textSometimes we have to remind ourselves that optimism should be cushioned with realistic expectations. This is especially important when you are a self-professed power queen with a tiny battery-powered vibrator in your hand. I didn’t expect the Kiki 2 to compare to a wand massager or my beloved We-Vibe Tango. I set the bar low. All I wanted was a relatively easy orgasm; a task that is normally quite simple for me, despite what you would assume from my love of all things strong & rumbly.

PicoBong Kiki - batteryI was impressed when I powered up the Kiki 2 for the first time. At the very least, it makes my Lelo Lily feel like the $100+ paperweight that it is. At best, I would compare it to the Jopen Key Comet II — or perhaps even a buzzier version of the We-Vibe Touch’s lowest setting.

But even though it seemed strong enough, the Kiki 2 did not give me easy orgasms. Before using this toy, I had believed that medium-to-high vibrations were all that my clitoris needed. Broad vs. pinpoint? Buzzy vs. rumbly? I had my preferences, but none of these things seemed to be a deal breaker — on their own. The Kiki 2, however, combines all of my least favorite forms of stimulation: buzzy vibrations, medium intensity, & pinpoint shape.

Actually reaching orgasm with the Kiki 2 requires immense concentration & absolutely perfect conditions. My masturbation session is no longer fun; it’s an absurd test of my endurance — with very strict rules.

  1. PicoBong Kiki 2I cannot use a different (stronger) vibe beforehand, or my clit is desensitized to the Kiki 2’s meager efforts.
  2. I have to spread my labia out of the way & raise my clitoral hood in order to expose as much of my clit as I possibly can.
  3. I have to avoid lube, because it removes the small amount of friction that actually makes the vibration somewhat pleasurable.
  4. I cannot pair the Kiki 2 with an insertable toy, because even the simple act of thrusting a dildo makes the vibrations seem to fade away into the distance.
  5. And most ridiculously of all… I can’t allow myself to get too interested in the porn that I am watching, because it takes the concentration away from my clitoris.

If I abide by these rules for an agonizingly long amount of time, I am eventually rewarded with a very weak & disappointing orgasm. Hooray.

bottom line textObviously, the PicoBong Kiki 2 does not work for my body. But even if I remove my own bias; even if I consider that it could potentially be great for someone who enjoys buzzy, surface-level, pinpoint vibrations… I still have difficulty suggesting it based on the price.

PicoBong Kiki 2It simply does not feel like a $40 toy to me. It may be body-safe, but everything else about it still reminds me of my first $20 vibrator from Spencer’s Gifts. And considering that you can buy some really amazing rechargeable toys for nearly the same price, simply by catching a good online sale… well, I really don’t see this as being a financially savvy decision. (Let’s not forget that the constant need for batteries will drive the price of the Kiki 2 up even more in the long run. Especially since PicoBong warns that using rechargeable AAAs will “result in decreased vibration intensity.”)

I’m all about catching good deals & getting the most bang for your buck — and that’s exactly why I cannot recommend the Kiki 2. There may not be anything inherently wrong with it (if you enjoy this type of vibration)… but unfortunately, there’s nothing outstanding about it either.

2star

Pros: nonporous & body-safe silicone, waterproof, multiple intensities & patterns, easy controls

Cons: battery-powered, buzzy vibrations, doesn’t seem worth the cost


Special thanks to PicoBong for sending me this item in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. 

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Affiliate links have not been used in this post, because none of my affiliates currently stock the updated version of this product.

Lovehoney Desire Wand Review

If there is one type of sex toy that I can almost guarantee that I will enjoy, it’s the wand vibrator. As a group, wands just seem to have so much more power. And no matter if the vibrations are buzzy or rumbly, my vulva really seems to enjoy lots of intensity across a broad area. By focusing the vibrations on my labia or on top of my mons, I am able to enjoy indirect clitoral stimulation & remove the possibility of becoming overly sensitive. Wands are basically my secret weapon for multiple orgasms.

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Lovehoney Desire WandThe Desire Wand is part of Lovehoney‘s line of luxury, USB rechargeable sex toys — aptly named the “Desire” collection. All Desire products are made from body-safe & nonporous silicone, are completely waterproof, and range in price from $70-$100. With the exception of the cock ring, these toys also include a hard-shell travel/storage case and are only available in one color (purple).

The wand vibrator boasts 12 vibration speeds and 8 patterns. Its controls are incredibly simple. The + and – buttons control the intensity, while the circular button in the middle cycles through the patterns. Pressing and holding the + or – buttons also acts as a power switch — which unfortunately means that there is no way to turn this toy off instantly. It can, however, be locked by pressing and holding both the + and – buttons simultaneously for about 5 seconds.

The Desire Wand measures nearly 8.5″ long with a head that is approximately 2″ across. This makes it much smaller than traditional electrical wands such as the Hitachi Magic Wand or the Doxy, but it’s also significantly lighter and easier to hold. The seamless silicone finish is matte and velvety soft to the touch. The handle features a smooth & shiny piece of black plastic inset on one side — although I’m not sure why.

Lovehoney Desire Wand packageOn the very bottom of the wand is the “self-healing” charging port (an area of silicone where you poke the charger through and it magically reseals itself once the plug is removed). Unlike the We-Vibe Rave, Lovehoney promises that their self-healing port will remain waterproof; I’m personally too scared to submerge my wand and find out. (It does makes for stress-free cleaning though.) The instruction manual says that a 120-minute charge will last for up to 60 minutes of use or up to 90 days when left untouched in storage.

The Desire Wand comes packaged in a large black & purple cardboard box, featuring a tasteful photo of the product and a basic description. Also included is a small instruction booklet, the USB charging cord (no AC adaptor), and the aforementioned black, hard-shell storage case. (The storage case even has a tiny lock-compatible zipper & a small hole in one corner for “discreet charging.” Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine that a cord disappearing into a locked box would simply create more curiosity.)

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What can I say about Lovehoney’s Desire Wand? It’s a pretty simple toy that I enjoy using… but there’s nothing special about it to make me scream from the rooftop: “YOU MUST BUY THIS NAO!”

Lovehoney Desire Wand caseDoes it offer the strongest vibrations I’ve ever felt? No. But it’s still quite impressive for being rechargeable. In fact, my partner & I felt like the Desire Wand’s highest setting was very similar to the lowest setting of the Magic Wand Original. (It also seems more rumbly than the Magic Wand or the Doxy on their highest settings, yet buzzier than the Doxy’s lowest). It’s enough to bring me to orgasm without frustration, but I’m definitely going to need to work at it for more than a minute or two — which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Unlike many wand-style vibrators, the Desire Wand doesn’t harken back to the 1970s. It has the look & feel of a high quality, modern day sex toy with nothing cheap or tacky about the design or craftsmanship. It’s rechargeable, so you don’t have to worry about changing batteries or getting tangled up in cords while masturbating. It’s lighter and less tiring to hold than the larger electrical wands. And it doesn’t overheat in 20 minutes like the Original Magic Wand (or simply shut off like the Magic Wand Rechargeable).

My only complaint is the noise level. Normally, the vibrations are pretty quiet… but if you’re a “grinder” during masturbation, the extra pressure on the head makes the entire toy pretty rattley. It’s actually loud enough that I find myself getting distracted from whatever porn I’m watching — or, worst of all, from my own pleasure. It’s important to mention that the vibrations also travel through the handle, which could be an issue for some individuals as well.

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The Desire Wand is convenient to use & does a great job of slowing me down just enough so that an orgasm isn’t ripped out of my body before I’m even aroused. It’s a toy that I’m sure I will reach for often (which is a testament in itself, considering how many toys I have amassed and how often they languish in the bottom of a drawer). But the bottom line as to whether or not I can suggest this toy really comes down to the price.

Lovehoney Desire WandLovehoney’s Desire Wand is a $100 vibrator; that’s about $40 more expensive than the Original Magic Wand and only about $20-30 cheaper than the Doxy or the Magic Wand Rechargeable — depending on where you buy them from. It’s also more expensive than plenty of other wand-style options available through Lovehoney‘s website (although I can’t speak for the vibration strength or quality of the others).

In my opinion, the Desire Wand would be good for someone who doesn’t want the most powerful bang for their buck; someone looking for a small(ish), rechargeable unit that boasts a “luxury” feel and doesn’t technically climb into the triple digits — by one little penny.

If it were me, there would be no contest: I would rather save the extra money and purchase a Magic Wand. …But you all already knew I would say that, didn’t you?

4stars

Pros: acceptable (but not overwhelming) vibration intensity, multiple settings & patterns, simple controls, rechargeable — with good battery life, waterproof, light & comfortable to hold, best storage/travel case of all my toys, body-safe & nonporous silicone

Cons: rattles when pressed against the body, vibrations easily travel through handle, seems expensive when compared with more powerful wand vibrators


Special thanks to my affiliate, Lovehoney, for sending me this product in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. 

Free delivery on all orders over $40

If you would like to purchase the Lovehoney Desire Wand, please consider supporting my blog by doing so here. And don’t forget that you can currently save 20% with code: OFFER2020

We-Vibe Rave Review

I am a power queen.

Whenever I turn on a new sex toy for the first time, I immediately max out the vibrations. I know that most of my vibrators will never be used on anything less than their highest setting. And even then, many will simply get passed over for my 2 favorites: the We-Vibe Tango or Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s not necessarily that I can’t climax without the power of ten billion buzzing bees between my legs1, it’s that I usually don’t want to. I’d rather spend my time aiming for multiple orgasms than struggling to my first.

When I heard that We-Vibe (makers of the most powerful bullet vibe in the world!) was releasing their first G-spot vibrator, I got super excited. So far, my strongest vibrators have not been insertable. And while I don’t typically require as much internal vibration to have a good time, I was still really hoping for a chance to rattle my G-spot into a state of utter exhaustion. description text

We-Vibe RaveThe We-Vibe Rave is a strange looking toy. It’s entirely asymmetrical — swooping slightly to the left on the handle & to the right towards the head, all while bending upwards to create an almost boomerang-like angle. There is also a slight twist in the design, forming an edge that is much sharper on one side than the other. It measures approximately 7.5″ long with a 1.25″ diameter.

The Rave is covered with a thin layer of body-safe & nonporous silicone that has a matte finish and is velvety soft to the touch. It lubricates easily to minimize drag and it doesn’t attract very much dust, lint, or hair in-between uses. The inner structure is incredibly firm, offering absolutely no bend or give.

On the front of the vibrator, there are 3 small, raised buttons. The + and – buttons are used to increase and decrease the vibration intensity. The o in the middle cycles through the 10 different vibration modes, offering a variety of pulses & waves. Any button will turn the toy on, starting immediately at whichever setting you used last. You can turn it off by either pressing & holding the o button or by cycling through all of the patterns.

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 12.04.27 AMAbove the control buttons is another small bullseye shape. This is the “self healing” charging port. (An area of silicone that you can poke the charger through without permanently damaging the toy.) Impaling a high-price toy always makes me uneasy, but that’s exactly how these sorts of chargers work. The idea is that the port will recover & protect itself against water without the need for a plug — although it’s important to notice that the Rave is only “splash-proof.” It is NOT fully waterproof. We-Vibe advertises that a 90 minute charge lasts for up to 2 hours of use.

We-Vibe Rave - ButtonsAs with many other We-Vibe products that have been released recently, the Rave is compatible with their We-Connect app. This allows you to pair the vibrator with your phone via Bluetooth and then connect with “lovers” via the app, chatting with them & giving them control over the toy’s settings. We-Connect also allows you to create your own custom vibration patterns.

The We-Vibe Rave is available in one color (purple) and comes packaged in a sturdy cardboard box with tasteful photos of the product & basic information printed on the outside. Included with the Rave is a USB charging cord (AC adaptor not included), storage bag, instruction booklet, and 1-year warranty.

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We-Vibe Rave - PackagingThis really shouldn’t come as a surprise: I absolutely love the vibrations! The Rave make me gasp every single time that I insert & position it before turning it on. It rumbles against my G-spot in such a way that the vibrations seem to travel through my whole body — or at least my entire pelvic region. My partner believes that it has the deepest, most penetrating vibrations of The We-Vibe Trifecta. Its vibration intensity is not quite Tango level… but still much stronger than the Touch. I actually have trouble selecting a good clit vibe to pair with it, because it tends to overshadow anything with less power. (Definitely a problem that I’m okay with having.)

The asymmetrical shape, on the other hand, did not win me over. I know that plenty of people will love the unique sensations it can create, but the sharp edges are a serious turn off for me. I can’t roll the toy across the front wall of my vagina (a technique I learned to love from the Key Jopen Comet II) without feeling like I am scraping out my insides. And the curve is just a little too intense to lose myself in thrusting. (At least it doesn’t get painfully hooked behind my pubic bone!)

We-Vibe RaveMy solution? I enjoy the complete absence of motion with the Rave. I might experiment a little here or there with very subtle movements, but most of the time I resort to pure unadulterated pressure. Its form is so solid that I can press down on the handle and shove the inserted end upwards with all of my might. I get the most pleasure from holding it there, allowing the vibrations to rattle through my body. My hand & arm eventually cramping from the force I’m exerting; my G-spot pleasurably sore after a few orgasms.

The only way that I can enjoy the asymmetrical shape is during clitoral stimulation — which the Rave also excels at. Externally, the different surfaces of the toy provide options depending on what type of stimulation you find most pleasurable. Broad, flat surface? Yep. Thin, pointed edge? It has you covered. And the curved length gives you a wonderful handle too.

The only across-the-board downside that I can find with the Rave is in the little things: the charging port & the We-Connect app.

We-Vibe Rave - ChargingNot only is the charging port what prevents this toy from being waterproof, it’s also in the worst possible place to get loads of lube & bodily fluids caked in & around it. (Seriously. Why place it right by the entrance to the
vagina?!
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The app — well, it’s just frustrating. I tried testing it with both my partner & my best friend. My friend couldn’t even get the invite link to work on her phone. Fail. My partner managed to successfully connect as my “lover” and even do a video call with me… but the custom vibration modes never would work for either of us. Long-distance, wirelessly controlled sex toys are an awesome idea, but this one simply was not user-friendly or sexy — unless you get turned on by being horribly frustrated with technology. The only thing I enjoyed about the app was that it displays a percentage for how much charge my Rave has left.

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Even with the torture-chamber edges that totally scare my vagina and one of the most poorly designed charging ports in sex toy history, the Rave is still one of the best vibrators I have ever used. (Especially once I deleted the mobile app.)

The G-sport curve is spot on for my body & the toy is firm enough to apply loads of intense, unrelenting pressure. Add on some of the most rumbly, powerful vibrations that I have ever felt in an insertable vibrator and I am basically transported to my own personal Shangri-La.

Once again, We-Vibe proves that they know how to please the power queens of the world. And I am completely smitten.

5stars

Pros: incredibly strong & rumbly vibrations, curved for G-spot stimulation, firm enough to apply lots of pressure, asymmetry offers multiple options for clitoral stimulation, body-safe & nonporous silicone, easy controls, 10 vibration patterns, relatively quiet, rechargeable

Cons: not waterproof, charging port easily collects lube & bodily fluids, mobile/long-distance app is not user friendly, edges might feel uncomfortably sharp during internal use

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Huge thanks to my wonderful affiliate, Good Vibrations, for sending me this product in exchange for an honest & unbiased review. 

If you would like to purchase the We-Vibe Rave, please consider supporting my blog by doing so here.


  1. One sex toy origin story (which is almost certainly a myth) states that the first-ever vibrator was created when Cleopatra filled a gourd with live bees. As you can imagine, this would require a whole hell of a lot of bees — and plenty of prayers that the gourd would not break.

L’amourose Paramour Review

Paramour AccessoriesThe Paramour is a 3-in-1 sex toy set for (primarily heterosexual) couples, created by the luxurious L’amourose: a relatively new company that has been taking the sex blogging community by storm. It consists of a one-button vibrating bullet made from hard (ABS) plastic & three silicone attachments. (Purchased separately, these would be known as Lana, Mae, & Clark.) It also comes with a remote control that doubles as a magnetic charging base — a convenience that I absolutely adore.

The Paramour arrives in multiple layers of packaging that is reminiscent of Lelo. First, there is a thin cardboard slipcase featuring elegant & artistic photo representations of the toys. Inside of that, the toys are nestled into a much more sturdy & plain black box that would be appropriate for long-term storage. Additionally, there is a separate thin box that contains the charging cord, tiny travel adapter (so that you don’t have to bring the larger remote control/base), warranty card, 140-page instruction manual, lubricant sample, and fancy velvet storage pouch.

Lana

Paramour LanaAs a sex blogger who has never tried an actual We-Vibe (but very much wants to), the first thing that my partner and I did was use the Lana in the same hands-free fashion: I inserted the thin silicone piece into my vagina, with the bullet resting near my clitoris, and we had PIV sex. I was genuinely surprised by how well the toy stayed in place, even with my partner’s vigorous thrusting. However, the bullet just wasn’t “doing it” for me. The hard plastic was very uncomfortable when it would get pressed against my body and the placement wasn’t ideal for my genital anatomy. I can’t help but think that if the bullet was vertical instead of horizontal, it may be able to reach the clitorises of more individuals and potentially be nestled more comfortably between fleshy labia.

I also tried the Lana with the thin silicone portion inserted anally and the bullet vibrating against the bottom of my vaginal opening & perineum. This was moderately more enjoyable — until the vibrations became too numbing and annoying for my butt to handle.

Mae

Paramour MaeWhen my Paramour set first arrived, my partner and I were extremely excited about the Mae. We’ve always fantasized about him secretly teasing me in public and a remote-controlled vibrating egg seemed like the perfect way for us to act on this fantasy. Unfortunately, we were wrong.

Reading the instruction manual, I quickly discovered a major problem: You have to turn on the vibrating bullet separate from the remote control. Obviously, this makes using it in public much more complicated. Either you have to turn it on & insert the egg at home (wasting precious battery life) or excuse yourself to a public restroom in order to get “set up.” And if you enjoy anxiously anticipating when your partner may blast you with a wave of pleasure…too bad.

According to L’amourose, the remote control has a range of 15 meters (almost 50 feet). The ~ button cycles through the 5 vibration patterns &  the large touch pad controls vibration intensity (which is acceptable, but nothing spectacular for a Power Queen like myself). You can even use Memory Mode to record your own 10-second pattern.

Paramour RemoteAll of this would be great — if it worked. Unfortunately, I find the buttons surprisingly difficult to press & the touch pad not immediately responsive. Worst of all, the toy seems to have a lot of trouble maintaining a connection through my body. I am left pressing the ~ button over & over again, waiting for some internal vibrational change to occur…but it rarely does. It occasionally works if I’m holding the remote right up against my vulva, but more often than not, I have to remove the bullet in order to reconnect with the remote control.

Note: Despite what the instruction manual says, I recommend that the Mae should be a vaginal toy only. Without a flared base, it is NOT anal safe! 

Clark

Paramour ClarkAlthough this is a fairly basic cock ring, it was probably our favorite of the three attachments. The silicone stretched over my partner without any trouble, it was comfortable for him to wear, and I received much more pleasure out of it during partnered sex than I did with the Lana. With the bullet resting on top of my partner’s penis, not only was it coming into regular contact with my clitoris, but the vibrations also traveled very well through his shaft — essentially turning him into a human vibrator. (The ring can also be worn with the bullet resting at the bottom of the penis, vibrating against the testicles.)

Charging, Quality Concerns, Etc.

According to the L’amourose website, the Paramour bullet is supposed to last 1.5 hours on a 1-hour charge and have a 100-day standby time. This has not been my experience. First of all, it’s difficult to tell how long it actually takes my Paramour to reach full charge. Although the instruction manual states that the blinking light will remain illuminated once charging is complete, mine will at times go 12+ hours blinking away like nothing is happening — or it may blink for only an hour like it’s supposed to. I never quite know what to expect.

Paramour Charging

Secondly, I’ve found that the bullet stops vibrating somewhere between 30-60 minutes if run continuously. And although I don’t know exactly how quickly it’s losing the charge while in storage, I do know that it’s much less than 100 days. In the 93 days that I’ve owned this toy, it has already destroyed my plans on 2 separate occasions by refusing to turn on.

Paramour ChargerAdditionally, I was disappointed by the cheapness of the charger itself. Catering to multiple countries with different electrical outlets, L’amourose provides a charger that features interchangeable prongs. When I was curious about how these were removed and replaced, I gently pressed on the neat little button that conveniently said Push. At that point, the plastic button broke inside of the toy, remaining permanently pressed. Not a huge deal as it doesn’t affect charging, but it’s certainly annoying for such an expensive product.

Considering that I’ve also had major issues with my Rosa Rouge randomly shutting off and refusing to turn back on (for which I’m still waiting on a replacement), I’m very suspicious about the craftsmanship of these toys — and perhaps the response time of customer service. Although it’s always possible that I could just be extremely unlucky.

Bottom Line

Paramour Box SetAlthough I really like the idea of interchangeable, multi-purpose toys, I simply cannot recommend the L’amourose Paramour at this time.

I have high standards and (like most individuals) I live on a budget. Any sex toy that costs $239 (or $199/each with remote; $129/each without remote) has to live up to its promises. At the very least, I expect it to work as described — but ideally, it needs to offer something more than other toys on the market. A fussy remote control, a handful of charging issues, and a bullet with only mediocre vibration strength is simply not acceptable.

Also, even though the toy comes with a warranty, I do not feel confident that you’ll be able to negotiate a refund/replacement with the manufacturer in a timely manner. Although I haven’t heard of any other bloggers receiving defective products, it has proven to be a very long & frustrating process for an introvert like myself and something that I think my readers should be aware of.

1star

Pros: body-safe & nonporous, 3-in-1 toy, rechargeable, remote doubles as charging base, storage box & pouch included, elegant design, warranty

Cons: very expensive, remote buttons are hard to press, remote doesn’t appear to work well through skin, must turn on the bullet & remote separately, charging time is unpredictable, battery life appears shorter than advertised, charger itself feels cheap/easily broken, a lot of grooves to clean, questionable craftsmanship & customer service response


I would like to thank L’amourose for providing me with this product in exchange for an honest & unbiased review.