I am a Sex Blogger & I Reject Pseudonymity

The last time that I was visiting my parents’ home, my mom and I got onto the topic of sex toys. For some of you with sex-positive parents, that might seem normal. For others, it might be horrifically uncomfortable to imagine. For me, it’s both. There was not an open dialogue about sex while I was growing up, and, not surprisingly, my mom disagrees with many of my current beliefs about sexuality. But our relationship is one of friendship. We talk about nearly everything, and considering that EROcentric has become a rather large part of my life, what I do here is not off limits.

During this particular conversation, she turned to me with a look of utter confusion. “I just don’t understand. I mean…is this just your thing?!” She meant the question in a rather amusing ‘Do you have a fetish for sex toys?’ sort of way, and I tried to explain to her that it’s about so much more than just a sexual response. It’s about discovering my body, taking control of my sexual pleasure, even enhancing the sexual connection that I share with my partner. But I get the distinct impression that she still struggles with the same question in a much larger sense.

Why do I do this? Why do I think that talking about sex is so important that I have decided to openly write about such things on a public blog? 

I do it because sexuality is my passion. Because I believe that we should not be afraid to talk about sex or be ashamed of our own desires. 

As someone who harbored a lot of sexual shame growing up (largely due to a lack of accurate sex education), I want to help educate others & normalize sexuality— of all safe & consensual varieties, including the right to not engage in any/all sexual activity. In my perfect world, sexual stigma would cease to exist. Blogging is one way that I strive to turn that dream into a reality.

It has been my personal conviction that as I am advocating for shame-free sexuality, I must not remain anonymous. No, I don’t share my full legal name on my blog or blast my personal Facebook account with my latest blog posts. I recognize & respect the fact that not everyone in my life would be comfortable with or open to the topics that I discuss here. But if someone I know (who is not already in the know) comes across this website, they will see my first name & my photograph, and they will recognize me instantly. And that is okay.

I am lucky enough to have an amazing support system, a progressive employer, and career goals in the very field of which I write about: sexuality. It’s important to me that, because I am in the perfect position to do so, I take this opportunity to publicly demonstrate a commitment to sex positivity as best as I can.

I won’t lie. There are still days when I question my decision. I get anxious at the thought of everyone I know finding out about this “double life” of mine. I worry that what I write will someday hinder my professional aspirations — even in a relevant field. I fear that online harassment may someday cross the line into reality, posing very serious threats to myself and those I love.

But then I recall the times when friends have come to me, asking questions and revealing intimate secrets because of something that I have written. I feel that by sharing my sexual knowledge (including my experiences & insecurities) in a way that shows that I am not ashamed…it helps facilitate the open dialogue that I aspire to create in the world.

Of course, none of this is to depreciate the work of my fellow sex bloggers who do choose to remain anonymous or use a pen name. I believe that all of us are changing the world in fantastic ways, and I understand that this is by no means the right choice for everyone; it may not even be a viable option.

The debate surrounding online privacy, professionalism, & sexuality is complex and I don’t claim to have the answers. Who knows, perhaps some day I will regret my decision. But for now, I am proud to proclaim…

 I am a sex blogger. And girls do too masturbate.

9 thoughts on “I am a Sex Blogger & I Reject Pseudonymity

  1. I love this! I do write using a pseudonym for a number of personal & professional reasons. I hope I’m helping to create the kind of world where someday, I can write freely under by own name.

    When you look closely, it’s ridiculous how hush-hush we are about our sexuality, when we can freely discuss our favorite meals, TV shows or just about any other appetite or preference.

  2. Great post! Technically I’m out there on my Facebook page as myself, but Jolynn is not since she has two more years yet before she can retire early. I’m sure people have seen me around town, and have recognized me. It hasn’t been a big deal so far.

  3. You’re incredibly lucky to have a job that will allow you to be who you are in public spaces. I would be SO FIRED if my university found out that I write a sex blog. Because, you know, if you work with young people and talk about sex *at all* you must be a dirty pervert. Or something.

  4. Love love love this. It’s wonderful you have the opportunity to be open about it, and also to use your name. Hurray to being a sex blogger and making sexuality a priority. And also, for girls masturbating—like we do. 🙂

  5. Totally agree. If our sex blogging world is just a bunch of shadowy anonymous, faceless writers, that giant, sex-negative action will speak way louder than all of our sex-positive words. If the point of our crusade is that there’s nothing wrong with sex and to support it in all its from, it seems ironic and almost Klan-esque that we leave all the lights off.

  6. Great post. I would so love to be able to write more openly and to publish my face at the top of my blog, I do on my Fetlife page. But the job I do means that it is best I am a little more anonymous than I would like.

  7. It is totally ridiculous; I couldn’t agree more! And I firmly believe that all of us bloggers & educators (anonymous or not) are creating that change. I am so inspired by this community on a daily basis. 🙂

  8. Oh my gosh, yes! The standards that teachers are held to these days are practically inhuman & it was actually one of the reasons why I decided to switch careers. I hated the person I was becoming when I had to compartmentalize my personality; I felt like an empty shell. (I wasn’t super passionate about teaching to begin with though.)

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