Reviews

5 Porn Stars (and Why I Love Them!)

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It’s not a big secret that I’m a fan of porn. I also realize that a confession like that can make a lot of different people uncomfortable (or even angry). I’m planning a future post on porn from a more societal perspective, but for now, I wanted to share a few of my favorite well-known performers in the porn industry!

Stoya

Yes, Stoya is beautiful. Her pale skin, small breasts, and mildly punky appearance (especially when she had pierced nipples & blue/purple hair) were the first things to catch my eye. But a pretty face isn’t enough to make me seek out more of a porn star’s work for years to come. No, I return to Stoya’s videos because she makes sex look fun. She giggles, squeaks, and makes the absolute best sex faces. Her scenes effortlessly switch from playful and light-hearted to rough and breathtakingly passionate, reminding me that intimacy is rarely “serious business.”

As if I needed any more reasons to adore Stoya, she’s also very talented off screen. She writes fantastic articles for Vice and educates about consent and adult performers rights as part of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee. Her blog and Instagram are intellectual but down-to-earth — filled with mentions of her favorite books, adorable photos of her many cats, and occasional appearances from her real-life partner, James Deen.

James Deen

***On November 28, 2015, Stoya confessed on Twitter that she was raped by James Deen. I can no longer support him as a person or suggest him as a performer.***

Deen has a certain charisma that is absent in a lot of male performers. Whether he’s doing mainstream porn or BDSM, his scenes aren’t focused on what he’s doing to a woman, but what he’s doing with her. I am continuously in awe of the on-screen chemistry that he shares with all of his female co-stars — especially Stoya. He’s always pulling them close, grasping them tightly, and whispering into their ears. (What I wouldn’t give to know what he’s whispering!) For me, his confidence and dominance are even more attractive than his physical appearance, but I can’t deny that I am also really curious about his signature vibrator.

To make him even more charming, he seems to have a very carefree sense of humor. This sometimes carries over into his work, like the internet-famous “Lemon Stealing Whore” clip and the video behind “I am a baby panda! I do what I want!” (Confused? You can read about it on his blog.) He also does an online video series called James Deen Loves Food where you can see him make a $580.37 burrito, taste test 27 different kinds of mustard, and occasionally lose some clothing.

Buck Angel

I firmly believe that porn can be used for more than just helping people achieve orgasm. As the self-proclaimed “Man with a Pussy,” Buck challenges our society’s gender dichotomy. He helps make transgendered individuals more visible in the sex industry and the media at large. His work with trans women forces viewers to question if what they are watching is still mainstream heterosexual porn — or if perhaps they should abandon those labels altogether. His body positive attitude towards his vagina disproves the widely-held belief that all transgendered individuals choose bottom surgery. Some do and some don’t. It’s a personal decision.

I highly suggest watching Dan Hunt’s 2013 documentary, Mr. Angel. (At the time of this post, you can find it streaming on Netflix.) Buck’s Youtube channel also offers a lot of uplifting and educational messages for trans men, including his Public Cervix Announcement.

Nina Hartley

As a fellow sex-positive feminist and advocate for sex education, Nina is a big inspiration to me. Her interviews show that she is a passionate and well-spoken woman who could be the official spokesperson of the porn industry. (She is also a member of Adult Performer Advocacy Committee.) With a degree in nursing, her fame proved that a woman could be professional & educated and still choose porn because she enjoys it. Poly, bisexual, and active in the D/s lifestyle, she completely owns who she is. She has also continued to be prolific despite the fact that she is an aging female in an industry that values youth and Photoshopped beauty. And people say that you can’t be an empowered woman in porn!

Ron Jeremy

Admittedly, I have seen surprisingly little porn starring Ron Jeremy. While I find the nickname “Hedgehog” completely adorable, he’s not exactly my type. However, I do have respect for the man. Watch Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy and you’ll see that he works hard and takes his job seriously. Because of that, he has made a name for himself in an industry that commonly reduces its male performers to nameless penises. Over the years, his body has aged and changed, only making him more of an idol for the “average guy.”

He constantly shows his fun-loving nature with comedy performances and parodies of Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” video. I also had the chance to meet him recently, and he was just as nice as I had expected — even while I was reduced to nervous giggles and awkward silence. Fun fact: He has a Master’s degree in Special Education, freaking some people out but proving to others that ‘Hey! Porn stars are real people too!’

Hitachi Magic Wand

The (Former) Hitachi Magic Wand [review]

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Hitachi Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand was introduced to America in 1968 — not as a sex toy, but as a “massager.” It didn’t take long, however, for people to discover that a “massager” that will turn your aching muscles to jelly will also make you come like a hurricane when used on your genitalia. To many happy consumers, “Hitachi” is synonymous with orgasmic pleasure despite the fact that the company wanted to be known for their electronics and appliances. In 2013 they finally decided to remove their name from the infamous massager. As I purchased mine right before the switch, my experience is limited to the old Hitachi Magic Wand. However, the improvements that were made to the new “Original Magic Wand,” seem minor enough that this review should still be useful.

Description

As a product straight out of the ’60s, the Hitachi definitely isn’t the prettiest sex toy. It’s mostly white, with blue detail on the power switch and the flexible neck. The long handle is hard plastic, but the vibrating ball-shaped head is made from a comfortable, texturized rubber. (Unfortunately, the rubber cannot be completely sterilized and has been known to stain or simply discolor/yellow with age.) Instead of using batteries, a 6 ft electrical cord powers the Hitachi. Although this can be somewhat inconvenient, it does provide consistent and strong vibrations. There are only 2 intensities, but both are very powerful: low (5000 rpm) and high (6000 rpm). Both settings are also very loud, making this toy potentially embarrassing for those with prudish roommates.

 

There are also plenty of attachments made specifically for the Hitachi Magic Wand. These range from simple silicone (sterilizable) caps, insertables for G-spot as well as anal pleasure, and male masturbatory sleeves. For a fantastic (and body safe) selection of these attachments, check out Shevibe’s Wand Vibrator Accessories page and Good Vibration’s Pop Top selection. (I own the Pop Top Deluxe Silicone G-Spotter and I really enjoy it!)

Review

The most common complaint about the Hitachi is that it is simply too much. It’s certainly true that the vibrations will rattle your entire vulva — and it’s the popular toy used in forced orgasm porn for a reason. With direct contact, it can easily jump the line from “Oh, that feels good…” to “Holy shit, make it stop!” If you have a sensitive clitoris, this toy might not be the perfect match. However, if you’re like me (whose genitals barely even register the vibrations from the Lelo Lily), the Hitachi could easily become your favorite toy.

Masturbation: Using the Hitachi by myself usually makes for a quick session. Desensitization doesn’t become an issue for me. I do, however, feel remarkably lazy at times. Fast orgasms are not always the most pleasurable. Sometimes there is little physical build-up and not much time to enjoy sexual fantasies. It’s also more difficult to ride a slow comedown, as the vibrations immediately become overwhelmingly uncomfortable. But I keep coming back because it’s so effortless.

Partner sex: I find using the Hitachi with a partner to be more complicated. It is difficult for a partner to apply the nuanced pressure and positioning that I find pleasurable. However, staying on the low setting and/or using a buffer can help. Some place a towel between their body and the Hitachi in order to muffle the sensations. Others put a clean sock over the head. There are even dimmer switches to allow for better control. (There is some debate on whether this harms the product.) My personal favorite is simply to wear a sexy pair of panties. As for intercourse, the size and cord are a bit cumbersome, but positions like doggy and cowgirl are quite accommodating.

Male pleasure: This is not a strictly female vibrator! Even without purchasing an attachment that is made for male pleasure, the Hitachi can be used externally on male genitalia. Not all men are going to enjoy vibration (especially at this intensity), but it can be fun to experiment.

Traditional use: I suffer from a lot of back pain, and the Hitachi has definitely improved my day-to-day comfort. The vibrations get deep into the muscles, smoothing out areas that harbor the effects of physical or emotional stress. To avoid overheating, the instructions advise not to use it for more than 25 minutes (with a 30 minute break), and this is almost always satisfactory. Bonus: since it’s marketed for external stimulation of any body part (and does not resemble a disembodied penis), you can accidentally leave it out without disturbing your guests…too much.

Closing thought: I love it!

I think the Hitachi Original Magic Wand is a fantastic purchase, especially for those that experience some difficulty reaching orgasm. The amount of power, the wide range of possible uses, and the long lifespan of this toy all make it well worth the price. It’s been over a year since I bought mine, and it has rarely left its spot on my nightstand since.

5stars

You can purchase the Original Magic Wand from my affiliates: Shevibe, Good Vibrations, Tantus, & Sexy Time Toys. 

Secretary [review]

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Secretary (2002), inspired by a short story by Mary Gaitskill, stars Maggie Gyllenhaal as Lee Holloway and James Spader as Mr. E. Edward Grey. The story follows Lee as she is released from a psychiatric institution and attempts to gain control over her life. In doing so, she takes a job as a lawyer’s secretary. Through Grey’s intense need for control & perfection within the office, a Dominant/submissive power dynamic forms between him and Lee. This dynamic eventually turns sexual, and the two of them are forced to confront questions of love, lust, and intimate relationships in general.

Being one of the few mainstream movies to depict a BDSM relationship, Secretary has gained a lot of attention. In the brief 12 years since its release, it has become a sort of modern classic for many in the community. In fact, I vividly remember the first time that I watched Secretary: sneaking off to my bedroom after my roommates had gone to bed, playing it on my laptop through a pair of earphones. Not only was it thrilling and sexually taboo, but for the first time, I was able to see an important part of my sexuality reflected on screen in a validating way.

Why Secretary is one of my favorite films…

I’ll admit, a small reason why I love Secretary so much is because James Spader has the most amazingly authoritative voice in the world. But the real reason is because BDSM is portrayed as a legitimate option in the realm of human sexuality — an acceptable, shame-free way for two people to find peace within themselves and an intense connection as a couple. Through their D/s romance, the characters grow into better individuals.

Lee finds comfort & cathartic release from BDSM, allowing her to abandon her old, self-destructive habits. She gains confidence in her appearance and her abilities. Through submission she actually learns to speak up for herself and become her own person. Grey also learns to accept himself and his sexual desires. At first, he is almost plagued by his need to be dominant. He battles against it, believing it to be abnormal, unrealistic, or both. But Lee encourages that part of him, allowing him to lower the walls that distanced him from romantic/sexual partners in the past.

The movie also does a wonderful job of not being overtly sexual. There is a concentration on the emotional and mental aspects of a D/s power dynamic with a focus on control/devotion and protection/security. When there are bits of nudity, they are not pornographic; they are intimate.

Why Secretary is not perfect…

Unfortunately, sexual communication is pretty much nonexistent between Grey and Lee for the majority of the film, creating far too many similarities with sexual harassment and assault. There are no discussions about consent or boundaries. They don’t even discuss their intentions, expectations, or desires! Instead, Lee relies on silently manipulating Grey into dominant action, while Grey irresponsibly engages in those actions without getting explicit consent. Though nobody gets physically injured because of this, it does lead to some very uncomfortable sexual activity that can be difficult to watch.

Secretary is also guilty of the very misrepresentations that I mentioned in Popular BDSM Erotica: Damaged & Diluted. My inspiration behind that post, Margot D. Weiss’ article “Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in the U.S. Popular Media” was actually written specifically about this film. In her article, Weiss points out that BDSM is “pathologized” because submissive & masochistic Lee battles a history of self-injury. (Not that there is anything shameful about mental illness, only that it is unrelated to BDSM.) Grey and Lee’s BDSM relationship is also “normalized” when, at the end, they settle into marriage. Although I will argue that they do appear to continue their kinky sex play.

TL;DR

If you haven’t yet seen Secretary, I strongly recommend it. Keep in mind that communication should be part of every relationship, and that Hollywood’s misconceptions of BDSM are still something that needs changing. However, the fact that a D/s dynamic is displayed as a legitimate love style feels like a step in the right direction. In my opinion, Secretary is just too monumental to ignore for those interested in the BDSM lifestyle.

5stars

1. Margot D. Weiss. 2006. “Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Media.” Journal of Homosexuality 50(2/3): 103-130.

You can also find an electronic copy of the article here.

Sasha Grey’s Juliette Society [review]

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When I first heard that Sasha Grey was writing an erotic novel, I was genuinely excited. While I was concerned about the technical skill that may or may not be present in her writing, a former adult performer seemed like the perfect author for a risqué and unapologizing sexual fantasy.

At first glance, The Juliette Society seems to be about a secret sex society for the rich & powerful, its name inspired by The Marquis de Sade. The blurb on the back cover is Fight Club-esque, but with sex. You do not talk about The Juliette Society. The main character, Catherine, is our window into this world, willing to tell us what happens behind closed doors.

However, as I read the book, I found that synopsis misleading. The novel is not so much about The Juliette Society as it is about Catherine herself. It’s a coming of age story of sorts; a sexual awakening of a 20-something college student. We, as readers, are the audience for her own personal fantasies, and her struggle to reconcile them with reality. As she interacts with individuals who are more sexually liberated than her, she questions where the line is that she shouldn’t cross. What will happen if she goes too far? Will her relationship survive? What does she truly desire?

The Good

I was genuinely impressed with Grey’s writing. As erotica publishers seem to favor quantity over quality, I’m always relieved to find an author who has a grasp on the English language and a new perspective to offer. Don’t come into this book expecting tedious descriptions of how “his large, throbbing member entered her wet slit.” Instead, you can expect a full chapter dedicated to her explorative (and rather interesting) thoughts on “come.”

Grey’s greatest talent is in her character voice. Catherine is three-dimensional: not strictly good or bad, but a realistic gray area of personhood. Although it is written in first person, she is not a blank slate for readers to project themselves onto. She has her own interests and desires. She is witty, educated, and stronger than most female leads in the romance genre (even if she is somewhat dependent on her boyfriend for happiness). Her level of introspection provides a dimension not commonly seen in erotic literature.

The Bad

Although Grey’s attention to character made this book start out as a pleasurable read, I eventually needed more. In the story, (film student) Catherine keeps overstating that “plot is subservient to character,” but in The Juliette Society, plot becomes smothered by character. The entire story traps readers inside Catherine’s head. We don’t get a real, honest glimpse at the personalities or motives of the other characters. We don’t learn anything about the society that the novel is named for. (Catherine only visits twice.) It’s barely even discernible what is happening in Catherine’s daydreams vs. what is happening in her real life.

This might not have been a problem if it was only meant to be a story of sexual awakening, but that’s not the case. There is a largely neglected element of crime & mystery that surrounds The Society. Without a deliberate build up of suspense, the major plot twist feels contrived. The ending falls flat. Plus, it perpetuates negative stereotypes by once again connecting fetishism with murder.

The relationship between the main character and her boyfriend, Jack, also left me feeling uneasy. There’s a complete lack of communication. Catherine is secretive and Jack usually comes off as uninterested. There’s a lot of shame & guilt surrounding sex. Ultimately, Catherine shuts off the part of herself that desires more taboo activities in the bedroom in order to save the relationship. This doesn’t seem healthy.

Worth reading?

I could take it or leave it. Although I enjoyed The Juliette Society more than a lot of recent erotica, it’s difficult for me to consider it a part of that genre. I was never aroused by what I was reading. It always seemed more like general fiction, with added sexual aspects. And when compared with the quality standards of general fiction, The Juliette Society just didn’t stack up. However, this being Grey’s first novel, perhaps we can hope for a stronger sequel.

2star

Shunga Massage Candle [review]

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What’s more sensual than hot wax and a body massage? If you’re like me, then the answer is nothing. Massage candles are a necessity in my bedroom. They provide the perfect blend of arousal and relaxation. Pain and pleasure. Plus, they evoke not only the sense of touch, but smell as well — a sense that is often ignored in sexual activity.

Massage candles are body-safe candles that melt at low temperatures to create a warm massage oil. Shunga’s line of “Caress by Candlelight” massage candles come in 4 scents: rose, vanilla, lavender, and exotic fruits. Their 7 oz. candle costs approximately $20, (depending on where you shop), has a 45 hour burn time, and comes in a small black tin. Since the container does not have a spout, a small plastic spoon is included for the melted oil.

Shunga Massage Candle

I own Shunga’s vanilla candle, and I could not be happier with the scent! It’s a delightful, non-waxy smell that reminds me of warm cookies, fresh out of the oven and full of butter and sugar. This may seem more hunger-inducing than romantic, but somehow it works. The scent is quite relaxing.

The directions say to ‘Light the candle, wait 20 minutes and extinguish the flame. Pour the melted wax into the palm of your hand. (The oil will be warm, but not burning hot.)’ 

For the impatient individuals out there, you’ll be happy to know that the candle begins to melt within just a few minutes. However, allowing 20 minutes of burn time will, of course, create a larger puddle of oil to pull from. (It also provides a nice excuse to slow down and spend more time on other types of foreplay. Hint, hint.)

When obeying the directions and extinguishing the candle before use, I found that the oil cooled rather quickly. This would mostly become a problem when enjoying a long massage. My partner or I would stop to reapply the oil only to find that it had already hardened inside the tin container. This can be an unfortunate stopping (or pausing) point if you’re really into the massage.

Also, although the ‘warm, but not burning hot’ oil was very relaxing, I was left wanting a more intense sensation. Since this is a low-temperature candle, I decided to ignore the directions and experiment by leaving the candle burning during use. (As you may have noticed, the close proximity to the flame has melted my tiny plastic spoon.) While the use of the spoon does allow a few seconds for the oil to cool before it comes into contact with skin, it will still provide the quick, intense heat of ‘hot wax’ and redden the area for a short time. Of course, wax play safety measures are of the upmost importance.

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Whether you’re into ‘warm’ or ‘hot’ sensations, the heat of the oil mixed with the body heat from your partner’s hands is simply fantastic. A spoonful or two provides enough oil to effortlessly glide across your lover’s skin — but not so much that it creates a slippery mess. It also absorbs into the skin much better than I had expected. I was pleasantly surprised that, even when it dried, my skin did not feel uncomfortably sticky or greasy. In fact, when the wax has been fully melted and the oil has been completely worked into my skin, I feel rather moisturized. (It also makes me smell delicious!)

For those curious folks with sensitive skin, the ingredients list includes hydrogenated soybean oil, coconut oil, fragrance, sweet almond oil, safflower oil, avocado oil, sesame oil, grape seed oil, and vitamin E.

Would I suggest Shunga’s “Caress by Candlelight” massage candles? Most definitely! They are a simple addition to the bedroom that can provide a range of different sensations & experiences. Their scented natural oils are a treat for the skin — not a nightmare of oily residue. Plus, they’re very inexpensive when you consider the many hours of fun you can have with just one candle.

5stars

You can purchase Shunga Massage Candles from Shevibe here.